When i am free

Tomorrow will have the first quiz in this semester, but i have no mood to study now, i am now stay at PSZ and waiting him for dinner. Nothing i can do here, so start to think and write something.

Yesterday is the first time went for IEM meeting. It's out of expectation, the meeting is relaxed. I like this kind of meeting. I think i had make the decision, i want continue stay in IEM. Now only i know this sem IEM will have a lot of activities during this semester and next semester. I am interested in the industry visit and also NTU-NUS program. Besides that, i also curious on the Just for run, run for nothing program.. Wow, sound good, hopefully every project can be done on time.

Coming Saturday is IEM Welcoming Day, the participant is still not much, hopefully can archive the target by Friday ba. I will try to promote this to my junior and others. I believe we can do it de, although it's not under my department, but i am a bit excited also:)

Today is 28 of July, still got one month then it's our 1st anniversary, no matter how, i hope we can together at that day. No need any present or flower, i just want we can together at that day, don't let me alone at that day. It's our 1st anniversary and i checked already, we will finished all the tests by 28 of August so please don't tell me that you are not free at that day, i will be very sad...The only excuse is you have Power Engineering test during that day..If not, then please no excuse...

Thank You

Finally i told him the truth where i want to tell him for a long time. Although i am not really saying out, but i know he should know it, i already give a big hint. One more thing i should tell him is, i am a bad gal before entering Uni, but i am bad only before enter UTM, everything was changed since i enter UTM. Be a bad gal for 4years, i really very regret of it:(

But i think i should give him sometime to think of it, because yesterday i am cried in front of him, maybe he see i am cry so just tell me you don't care. So, i decided to give him one month time to think of it, if he really can accept it then i will very happy, if he can't then i think we should end the relationship, because it's more hurt if after long time then only he tell me he cant accept it and want to leave me with this reason. So, one month time, if he want to break then we will break before our 1st year anniversary:(

I am really scare, because my friend have the same case with me, the first day she told her bf about it, her bf can't accept it, but after one week, he change his mind and say can accept it, but after 2months they together then the guy change mind again and say he can't accept it and want to end the relationship. I scare this will happen on me, so please don't treat me like that, i really hope he can think properly in this one month time.

I don't know one month time is enough for him to make a decision or not,but before our anniversary, if i don't get any bad news from him, then i will start to convince myself so that never think of this anymore, like what he say, it's the past, i will let it disappear from my mine. At that time, i will start my new life because of him:)

For now, Thank you very much!!
Because you still accept it at this moment...

Disappointed

Due to the risk of typhoon, finally we postpone the trip to Taiwan. Aunt say can go in the end of the year, but maybe at that time, there's something else happen and we can't go again! So sad, why my dream will never come true? I thought this time i really can fly to Taiwan, who knows needs to cancel again, very sien ah. Hopefully the GOP will ON, i think that's the only chance for me to go oversea during my Uni-life. Course mate, don't disappointed me again ah..

Today go for the Fac night meeting in the early morning, after meeting then i went to PSZ, waiting his message for lunch, again, WAIT again and don't know need to wait until what time, I am hungry now:(

Tonight, will dinner with June, long time didn't chat with her already. Since i came to UTM Skudai, we always say find a time to meet up, but always not free, finally now we can meet up already. Still thinking where to eat for tonight, Station 1 or old town??

Just now Cyrus ask me a good question, i want to be tutor for Mandarin Class or not? Seriously, i am thinking this question for a long time. Maybe i can request for the Monday class since he also have English class on Monday, therefore we can having dinner together and he no need purposely fetching me back KDSE after dinner. I know KDSE is very far away, how good if i can have my own car!

But the problem is my parent just bought a new car for my younger brother, we need to pay for elder brother edu-fee, we need to pay the loan for the shop and house. We have no extra money already, as their daughter, i need to considerate these all things and therefore i know it's impossible for me to ask for another car.

The only thing i can do is share petrol money with him. Sometime i really need his help to fetch me, but i don't know how to ask him to do this for me, because it's actually not his responsible to fetch me, maybe others people will think it is, but i don't think so. Although i am willing to share petrol money but i don't know whether he is willing to fetch me or not. Because fetching me is really a kind of troublesome. For example just now at KP, i need someone fetch me back, but i don't dare to ask him, because i know from K11 to KP need to travel a long distance and this will waste him a lot of time.

I don't know how, i just know the best way is i have my own car. So, i need to find my own money in my own!!

Thursday

Another Thursday with a happy ending. Start to like Thursday already..
Maybe he is starting try to understand what i think in my mine...
Yesterday, i am not angry, but i am too tired so just say good night to him without any others word, sorry la, i really no angry, i know you shit because no electricity ah..

This morning, accidentally saw him and her sit together in the Computer Lab, at first i also think nothing de, but after hru say something, then i start think of it again:( i know i am bad, but i am curious why she go away after i walk into lab? Just coincidence or what? And why she will sit beside him? What you all talk before i walk in, start to imagine and think too much. But i don't dare to ask, i scare will create something bad between us. I don't want this happen again.. So, i choose to wait and believe. Wait him tell me if he want; Believe him, there's nothing:)

Actually, sometime i really not thinking too much de, but after heard something from others, then i will influence by them, too bad, i am really easy influence by others. I need to change this attitude. Believe myself i can do it...

This afternoon, he didn't accompany me go in the printing shop, yup, i am a bit bu shuang, plus i thought he don't know i bu shuang then become more bu shuang, but in fact he know there's something wrong with me. Sorry la, i misunderstand you again.:)

At night, before he come, something came into my mine:
" maybe i can request something from him, so that we can having dinner together without others at least one times in a week."
Then i start wishes tonight he will not bring cx and we can go Jusco after dinner.
But then after i finished thinking, i receive message from Casey telling that they are going to eat at Super7. That time i already decided to eat with them although i wish to be two people world. Because i know this is what he want.

These are what i think before he come. Who knows when he come, cx really not inside the car. Besides that, when i telling him Casey them at Super7, he did ask my opinion whether want to eat with them or not. In the end, he ask me want to go Jusco or not. Wah, this is something call 心有灵犀？？Yup, i like this feeling!! Especially when he asking me what happen to me in the afternoon:)

Keep it on!! I am willing to change, reduce my angry times de... Trust me...
♥~Love you so much~♥

Decision

Finally i had decided to go for the Taiwan trip, now still need to wait see whether my Aunt confirm or not. If she also confirm, then we can register, once register, then i am going to Taiwan soon...Yeah!!

No doubt, how good if he can go with me!! But i know i can't force him, because it's not an easy things. My financial also just enough for me to go so i need to save money start from now. Everyday eat at cafe i think can save a lot gua.. Haha..

Really no force, just last time he did mentions said that he want to go Taiwan so i ma ask him lor. Of course, if he can go with me then i will super duper happy lar..

Today, one more people saying that he is a good guy!! Omg, why everyone say he is a good guy har?? A good guy, no temper guy, handsome sumore!! Not only his friends say like that, my friend also say like that, some of them even envy on me that i can have him as my boyfriend tim.. They make me feel like i'm 生在福中不知福 ah.

It's seems like i am very dangerous ler.. Haha, just kidding, seriously, i starting believe on his love. Although recently there's a lot of things happen, but i know if we can tolerance with each others, everything can be settle easily. Fai, i really trust on you!!

I am still on the learning stage.. Add oil ya!!

Malacca Trip without you

for the first time i joined them without you. First of all, I know he is sad because cant joined this trip. Not only he sad on this, we all also feel sad he can't joined it. When we go anywhere, eat anything or when taking picture, we will think of him. Really sorry because we go on this week and actually i also know it at the last minutes and i make a decision within 15minutes. We go on this weekend is just a chong dong, everyone know that if delay again then maybe can't go in the end..
Really hope he will be better, don't wish to see my dear in bad mood. We still got chance, can go next time ah..

Actually i also a bit sad that he can't joined See them hold hand and very sweet then i will think of him. At first i also think not joining them de, but finally i decided to go is because i know these two days he also can't eat with me and i also alone in the room. Besides that, i really hope i can mixed with his friend, be more sociable.

After think for a week, i know as his girl friend, i should not reject him to eat with his Aiesec friends, i am trying to accept his friends is my friends. So, if next time they invite me to eat with them again, then i think i wont reject again laa.. But i also don't know still got chance or not, maybe they already feel bored after getting rejected by me for a few times.

First week was end, i do nothing, quiz is coming, test is coming, should start study already...

i am useless

One thing suddenly appear in my mine, why am I so useless?

Seeing everyone beside me had changed a lot, join activities, but still I am alone. Everyday sit in front laptop and playing facebook. Still the same, don’t want to change. I know if I still be like that, I will never succeed in my life.

First of all, join IEM. Thought can get something from there, but it’s seems like not, because of different department, I already ignored by them. Should I quit it or find them in my own? Seriously, I am scare, I scare I can’t communicate with the director.

Second problem, just a registration of the subject. I also can’t decide myself. I am confuse whether I should take this subject or not. 18credits hours, I can handle it or not? I really don’t know and I am loss now. After think for a few hours, finally I didn’t submit the form, which mean I din take the subject again.

I am so regret because last time run away from the OGM of Mandarin class. I know, if that day I didn’t run away, I may get something from there. But now, I get nothing. Even now I have the heart to be tutor again, but I need to think twice, is it I really willing to take out my night time. Still have one week to think.

Maybe I already make a wrong decision since 4years ago. I shouldn’t been kl, I should stay at hometown that time. Why I am here now? Even myself also can’t get an answer.

Aiesec, Exchange, IEM, Choir, Mandarin Class, Golden Key, Jogging and so on. I can’t even joined one of them. Why am I so useless? Who can save me now?

I am a loser!!

seriously i am super sad today. Too many things happened recently. Not only the problem of our relationship, also about the friendship.

Finally, they are staying the same floor with me and i am going to meet them everyday. I know i can do what i had decided before i back to UTM. I know i can accept this friend again, believe in myself, because this is what he want to see..

This two days, i feel i am alone in the class because ru is not come for the class. Sitting alone, listen to lecturer alone, especially today.I am wonder why this afternoon no body want to sit beside me although there are a lot place beside me and most of them i recognize one. I am a loser :(

Now only i know why i will angry everytime when he tell me he cant lunch or dinner with me. Because i am scare. I don't know i should find who for dinner. Like just now, i am hungry, but don't know should find who eat with me. Find them, they will ask why not eat with him and maybe they will thought we quarrel. If i go alone and let others see me, they will ask why alone and don't know what will they think. So at the end, i eat biscuit in my room. I think i should prepare more biscuit inside my room due to the reason he will very busy for this semester and cant eat with me.

Seriously, i couldn't figure out what is the problem between us. I thought i am a good girlfriend, but i think in his heart, i am not at all. Who can teach me how to be a good girlfriend?

Just now he told me that he want to invite me to the MIA, but he know i will reject him. No doubt, he is right, i will reject him. I am not going to join AIESEC activities, because as i know at there everyone is speaking in English and my English is too weak, i don't want lose his face. That's also the reason why i don't want lunch or dinner together with them.

This time i am really loss, i really wish we can be happy always, but why the truth is always opposite? We are always quarrel and it's hurt. Although i can't see he is sad, but i know he won't be good also, just maybe he can control his emotion very good and keep every things inside his heart.

Although i thought i can be a good girlfriend...But now this condition, i know i am not a good girlfriend!! Really sorry..
I will try to understand you...

Waiting

Finally, i am back to UTM again. No doubt, i am so touch because that day he was coming to fetch me at Sri Putri. But i think out relationship doesn't become better after that day even we meet each other everyday. I thought we will have a time to sit down and talk again, but seems like he don't have this kind of thought. He never mention on that day things and also din't reply my email. I really don't know what he think. I am confusing if i should ask him out for a talk or not, i scare things will become worse if we continue like that.

I really hope myself can be used to it where he will be busy for this whole semester or maybe this whole year. But i know i can't, just now when he tell me he is not free on tuesday, wednesday, friday and sunday, i was angry. But i din't show it out, don't know he has realize my unhappiness or not.

I am angry because just now he is late for almost half an hour, i really don't like to wait, but he always and i cant angry in front of him.
Again, i am tired with it...

I think i should not go though his timetable without acknowledge him, i think he will angry with this. Sorry, now only i realize that only me one person care of his timetable, i care whether we can having lunch together or not, but i feel like he don't think like that, because he never ever ask for my timetable.

I hate to wait!!
Don't everytime ask me wait for your message!!
Don't everytime ask me wait for your call!!
i really really hate it!!
Please...