seriously i am super sad today. Too many things happened recently. Not only the problem of our relationship, also about the friendship.
Finally, they are staying the same floor with me and i am going to meet them everyday. I know i can do what i had decided before i back to UTM. I know i can accept this friend again, believe in myself, because this is what he want to see..
This two days, i feel i am alone in the class because ru is not come for the class. Sitting alone, listen to lecturer alone, especially today.I am wonder why this afternoon no body want to sit beside me although there are a lot place beside me and most of them i recognize one. I am a loser :(
Now only i know why i will angry everytime when he tell me he cant lunch or dinner with me. Because i am scare. I don't know i should find who for dinner. Like just now, i am hungry, but don't know should find who eat with me. Find them, they will ask why not eat with him and maybe they will thought we quarrel. If i go alone and let others see me, they will ask why alone and don't know what will they think. So at the end, i eat biscuit in my room. I think i should prepare more biscuit inside my room due to the reason he will very busy for this semester and cant eat with me.
Seriously, i couldn't figure out what is the problem between us. I thought i am a good girlfriend, but i think in his heart, i am not at all. Who can teach me how to be a good girlfriend?
Just now he told me that he want to invite me to the MIA, but he know i will reject him. No doubt, he is right, i will reject him. I am not going to join AIESEC activities, because as i know at there everyone is speaking in English and my English is too weak, i don't want lose his face. That's also the reason why i don't want lunch or dinner together with them.
This time i am really loss, i really wish we can be happy always, but why the truth is always opposite? We are always quarrel and it's hurt. Although i can't see he is sad, but i know he won't be good also, just maybe he can control his emotion very good and keep every things inside his heart.
Although i thought i can be a good girlfriend...But now this condition, i know i am not a good girlfriend!! Really sorry..
I will try to understand you...
