23/01/10

today is saturday. at room for a whole day except going out for lunch and dinner. finished copy the pcomm notes, but it's just copy, not really understand it. never mind, next two weeks just test, still got time to study again. tomorrow need to study for microp already, last two quizzes didn't get full marks, quiz 2 more worst than quiz1. i need to score quiz3. if got time tomorrow need to finished up the assignment and also study emt a bit.

my dear was sick already, i think it's cause he is too tired already. yesterday morning get rain, no go back take bath but afternoon go psz sumore, after that walking from k9 to ktc. the whether is too hot already, drink more water my dear! i will worry if you sick leh...

lack of equipment, this is what my dear console me when i tell him i feel so bad cant do something for him. i think is the time for me to buy a slow cooker already. if got slow cooker, then i can cook a lot tang shui for him already, wait ya my dear...

feel something wrong with my roommate, but can't find a time to chat with her...hopefully everything will be fine after she coming back from kl...i will find a time to care of her...

20/01/10

what should i do to make my life wonderful??
everyday seeing everyone busy with their own activity, but i am still there, never walk out to the round in front of me.

this sem, fai will be every busy, he have no time to accompany me already, i need to find some activity...cannot rely on him...

hru got choir, roommate got aiesec, liting got running, nanny also aiesec and yeeling got robocon, all of my gang have their activity. but what i want to do in this sem except study??

at first i thought taking 17credit will be very busy, so i decided to give up the mandarin class, but now i feel regret with it. i am too free already. everyday siting in room with no target, i don't want study cover all my life...

sorry fai, because i din join the activity you did. i feel so bad with that why i don't dare to talk with someone who speak english with me. i feel i make you no face...really sorry, i'm still escaping, i know i can't escape for my whole life, but trust me, i really got the heart to improve myself. but i not sure i can success or not, ans i also don't know when is the day i success.

confusing whether want to ask mother help me buy ticket or not. because i hope somebody will come to find me during cny and we can back here together although he already told me it's will not happen. feel so sad bacause we cant celebrate the first valentine's day together...

16/01/10

today is not a happy day. very unlucky, we get a compound because of the parking ticket. RM100!! and it make me and fai quarrel:( but after a sleep, the gas was disappear. at night, i cancel the plan to go sutera mall cause i thought he don't wanna go after getting the compound, who know in fact he want to go.

but at the end we are not going, cause i already tell hru we will not going. so we having dinner at TamanU, at first plan to go jusco after dinner, but finally we spend our time in chatting in the car. today our relationship become more closely, i starting thinking when is the time to tell him my past. but i don't know how to start, i scare he can't accept the truth. i know i love him, but i still not sure about him. until today, he still never told me the three words, it's the three words very difficult to say out? i don't know, maybe this three words represent a responsibility for him, after saying this three word he need to responsible on me?

still thinking when is the suitable time...

15/01/10

finally, finished presentation and also emt test! yesterday presentation consider not bad, i rate myself with 60%, i'm sure that i have make a lot of grammar mistake during the presentation, but i hope that i can improve it during the final presentation. that presentation have 15marks, i want to score it!! i am still nervous when doing presentation in front of others, but this time i think it's better than last presentation i did, maybe bacause just a few person, maybe most of them not a person who know me a lot, then i only not that scare. although i know the pssibility to get an A for this subject is very low, but i still hope my result wont be too bad. i don't want it affect my pointer too much.

today emt, at first i really feel bad because of the lecturer action, i really get a shot! feeling so bad, i thought i will be totally same, but luckily it's not! don't know what i had done correct or not, i think the lecturer put a lot of hope on me, but maybe i'll make him disappointed. i not reallt understand this subject, but i will try my best!

next week got numerical test again, tomorrow need to start doing the exercise already. yesterday my english lecturer told us, must being selfish when you are in university. throw away everything, think about yourself, they will settle their stuff! but i am sure i can't, i'm not that kind of people, don't like become i selfish people! i'll always think about my parents, think about the business, think whether they enough worker or not. even i know myself can't do anything because of the distance, but actually sometime i got a feel to give up my studies and go back help them. i don't dare, i scare at the end i'll get nothing, both side also unsuccessful! sometime i'm feel stressful in my studies, don't know how to release the stress. i need something, but still don't know what's i want! i'm confusing about myself...

13/01/10

everyone feel like very stress in this week, including me. this is the first time i feel stress because of my academic. maybe bacause see tension then i also become tension. actually the english presentation affect me the most, emt still ok, i think i had see open already. tomorrow will be the presentation already, although i think i have a well preparing, but i scare maybe i will panic at that time. hopefully i wont be nervous and have a good presentation. add oil!!

tomorrow fai got 4quizzes, i can feel his scariness, feels so bad because cant help him. hopefully he can do well in his quizzes. at first he say he don't want dinner, feel a bit disappointed , thinking to find him at psz, but at the end he suddely say he want come to find me for dinner. although i feel weird why he will suddenly changed, but still happy lar, at least he not leaves me like that, still will think of me when he is down. this is what i want, i'm not sure that i can help to solve your problem, but i am sure that i'll always beside you, so please do not leave me either you're sad or happy.

10/01/10

today, nothing heppened, 11am i was going to jusco with fai and i had buy some biscuit. after that we go for lunch. during the lunch time, i can feel that he is so moody today. i think he is starting to feel stree already. he got a lot of think to do during this week, got emt test which it is a difficult subject for us, got 3 quizzesand a lot of aiesec stuff...i not sure whether we can handle those thing or not, but i really hope thet he won't stree himself.

i really feeling bad when saw him no mood, i hope to see him smile everyday,happy always...what can i do to make him happy?make him feel no stress? actually myself also got a bit stress during this week. although i don't have quizzes and aiesec stuff, but i got 2 tests,two presentations and one assignment. but at this moment, i know i can't be stress in front of him.

i haven't study microp yet, it seems like not that difficult, but i must study before going for test. if not later i can't answer the question i'll feel regret that didn't do revision. like last tuesday's pcomm test, i really feel guilty that i have changed my answer after hru telling me my answer was wrong! last time i am the person who tell people their answer is wrong, but i don't know since when i become the person who others people tell me my answer was wrong and i changed the answer!! i never do this since i was form 3... no more next time!! it's a promise...

whole day didn't study emt, because i need to do my english presentation slides, use whole day to do the slide and edit my script and also memorize the script but still can't memorise all, always forgot... starting feel the time is not enough, i need some time! hope the time will stop now...

although feel like not enough time, but i still went for jogging. today just can run until k17, feel very tired and a bit heart pain, so i decided to walking back college from the roundabout. tonight we having dinner at kdse, cause fai say he want study numerical, but actually we didn't study also. i really don't know what can i do to make him happy...

07/01/10

What I had done today? Nothing again. 7.30am wake up and go microp class at 8.30am and study until 12.30pm. because of the LE lecturer, I din go out lunch with fai cause she din tell us she will finished class at 12.30pm, so I ask fai no need wait for me. When the class finished, I feel like not very hungry, so I straight away going back college without having my lunch. I just ate one apple and one orange as my lunch. After that, I start reading my article again because don’t know lecturer will ask us what question at night. This time, I read it properly, word by word, sentence by sentence, finally I really understand what the article say. Although I not sure whether I can answer or not if lecturer ask me question again, but compare to Monday, I think I can do better. I just can say, Monday I really not work hard enough.

5pm got LE class again, we go class by roommate’s car. Class finished around 7pm, so I rush to ktc find fai then go taman U for dinner. I am very hungry because of not taking my lunch, so I just order fried rice which is the stall that usually I like to order food. The food come within 5mins, then I straight start eating. Around 7.45pm, everyone was finished their food, maybe some of them eat a bit fast than usual because they know I got class at 8pm, especially fai. 8pm I arrived in the class, but the lecturer haven’t come yet, so I stay outside talk with fai, because today we just meet up for one hour which is less than usual.

8.15pm I go into class and I start feel scare again. Scare the impromptu, don’t know the lecturer want to do what and suddenly I heard something that I don’t like to hear. I heard mei say she talk with fai yesterday. I know maybe it is just a normal call, I really feel unhappy, I always remind myself need to believe him, but I can’t do it, although it is already 4months. But I don’t think to ask him about the cal, because I know once I ask, and then we will quarrel again. I don’t quarrel with him just because this small thing.

Back to the college at 10pm, although I would like to message him, but I control myself not to do that and start doing emt again. around 11pm, where I plan to sleep, I give him a call, but the maxis in kdse got problem, I can’t heard anything from him and also can’t send out the message to him. Wait until 12am, I just remember that I can use digi to call him, so I change to digi and give him a call. We just talk about 15mins then I am going to sleep already. I am glad that I can control myself so that din talk about the call and we end the call with happy ending.

06/01/10

What I had done today? Today I woke up in the early morning,7am. Because my class at 8am, after preparing, 7.40am I went to wait bus with hru and I reached P07 at 8am. After 5mins, our lecturer come, but not giving lecture, she just came in and tells us today class canceled. Sigh!!Inform us last minutes. Never mind, actually I already plans to go psz with fai after class. So I just message him and told him my class was cancelled, he just woke up when I message him. So I taking my breakfast first while waiting him come to fke.

Around 9am, we finished our breakfast and walk to psz. Our purpose going to psz are study emt, the most difficult subject in this semester and also maybe among every subject we need to take! Alright, start doing first question at 9.30am, but I can’t get the solution although there is answer scheme, I still not understand what they are doing. But, I am not going to give, and finally after 3 and a half hour I get the solution! Oh my god! How come I used 3 and a half hour to solve a question? If this problem still continuous how can I sit for the exam?? Luckily, I start understand the theory after trying several examples. Now, I think at least I can solve the problem for line charge. Surface and volume charge, wait ya, I am going to understand you soon.

Tomorrow is Thursday, got English class again. Don’t know why our lecturer so weird, want us impromptu every class. I know it is good for us, but I really scare, till now I still can speak in proper English until that day lecturer thought I did not read the articles. Actually I cannot mad on anyone, I thought I had done a lot thing to improve my English, but now only I realize I done nothing. i think to speak English with someone, but I just maintain for a while, maybe one or two hours, after that I will speak in Chinese again. I think to write an essay every day, but I never start an essay. I think to read some novel, but I never start to borrow a novel! What I had done? Nothing!!! Done nothing but hope to improve English, how come? There is no Reap without sowing in this world. Work hard is most important thing.

“Please stop think about face, if now you still always think about face and don’t want start anything, at the end, yourself will regret!!Go ahead!”