爱情回来过

这一次的Kukup 之旅，第一次的Pillow Talk，让我获益良多，明白了很多道理。

在茫茫人海中，要找到一个和自己想法完全相同的人不容易，就算给你找到那个人他也绝对不会成为你的另一半， 因为人是不会和自己的影子交往。

爱情，本来就是一个互补的东西。两个个性不同的人要在一起不容易，但我一直坚信，爱情只要互相包容一定会有结果。

从来就没想过他们俩原来也是藏有着这么多的问题。一对在外人眼里看来非常恩爱的情侣，他们的背后隐藏了多少的故事呢？ 就和我们的关系一样，背后藏有很多很多很多的故事。

 “当失去一样生命中最重要的东西的时候，你已经可以自己一个人承担所有，你会发现你没有什么好失去的了，你也不需要任何人在你身边了。”  

Truth or Dare, 当他们问我问题的时候，我才发现原来是那么难回答的。我一直以为喜欢他是因为感觉对了，有feels 了就在一起咯。在我的世界里，爱情，真的没有原因。

一段爱情的开始不容易，需要感觉，更需要一点点冲动。既然开始了，就不轻言放弃。这是我的原则，也是我昨晚一直告诉她的。

不要轻言放弃，都在一起四年了，怎么可能突然说没感觉就没感觉了呢？

不要轻言放弃，都在一起四年了，怎么可能突然说不需要就不需要了呢？

希望他们可以有个好结局，不要轻言放弃一段得来不易的感情。

真的，发现其实每段感情都有着同样的问题。或许现在他的心还很不明朗，不知自己的心要往哪去，但我坚信，慢慢的他会找到自己的去向。  

Tooth, you make me no life:(

Everything is coming within this two weeks:
Next week- MicroE test, FYP presentation, Lab Presentation.
Next next week- ECAD test and assignment, FYP Log book.
Even until last week of this semester still got things to do- ECAD assignment and FYP report.

The worst things is I am now get into trouble by my tooth, why my tooth start to pain when I have many things to do? I cant even concentrate when I want to do something, I cant sleep at the night, like now, wake up at 1.30am and cant sleep any more. That's why I am blogging now. Almost two weeks did not sleep well already, I really scare I cant tahan till everything settle, especially next week, I really worry about my FYP Presentation:(

First time eat so many medicine just because want to tahan sakit, seems like body is going to worst case again, need a body check again.

Don't know what to do liao...

这一切都因为你

看着桌面上那RM500块的产品，我真的不知该怎么选择。

今天，还没出门前，我找回了去年做疗程的收据，点了点，算了算，大概花了RM2000。

出门的时候还一直提醒自己不准花钱，所以都没带钱出门。

结果，五个小时后，我还是花了RM500来买了这个配套。

那个美女说：RM1520有五次疗程+一套产品+ 永久会员价值RM500。

如果你不要疗程，那就给RM500= 一套产品+会员。如果到时还要回来做疗程的话只需补上RM1020 就行了。

不知道怎么的，我竟然对她说：“好吧。”

然后就掏出钱包的ATM卡，给她一刷，我的五百块就消失了:(

然后我就带着一套产品回家了。

一路上，我一直在问自己，

为什么要买产品？

为什么要做疗程？

最后我得到的答案是：“我想漂漂亮亮的跟他回家。”

后来，回到房间，

回想起那美女的话：

Minimum 十次detox 疗程来阻止继续长痘痘 。

Minimum十次repair疗程来修复我的脸细胞。

最后才对痘疤和凹凸洞进行修复。

前面那两个疗程一次要RM350， 也就是说我需要花RM7000在那里了。

过后的疗程我没问价钱，应该也不便宜吧。

我到底该不该继续踩下去呢？

RM10000，是我以后要去Paris度蜜月的钱，

如果不花这笔钱，

我就不能变漂亮，

不能变漂亮就不能跟他回家，

不能跟他回家就不能和他结婚，

不能跟他结婚就不能和他度蜜月，

不能和他度蜜月就不能幸福，

不能幸福，那我存那笔钱来干嘛？ 

花了这笔钱，我就可能变漂亮，

能变漂亮就能跟他回家，

能跟他回家就能和他结婚，

能跟他结婚就能和他度蜜月，

能和他度蜜月就能幸福，

能幸福，就什么都值得了。

可是结果真的会如我所愿吗？

女人是种疑心重的动物

Today is his 'ex' admirer birthday, I'm sure that he did not forget it, cause he got set reminder although I din saw he posting on her facebook.

Maybe he is not posting and wish her through sms because scare I will angry if I see it on facebook. If this is a truth, I prefer he post on facebook rather than sms, at least I can see what he write on facebook and what her reply but sms I cant do that.

I know, he wont stop contact with her just because of me;
I know, he wont delete all the messages that they sent last time just because of me.
That's why until today I still keep convince myself they are nothing anymore and wont telling my unhappiness to him anymore. Because they are ex-coursemate and a close friend.

What he had done is not comment on her facebook status that frequent
and avoid mentioned her in front of me.


Suddenly I think back to diploma life and my tear keep dropping.
When I think back how sweet on the way they calling each other,
When I think back how sweet on the way he wake her up in the morning,
When I think back how sweet when he create a flash movie just for her,
When I think back how sweet when they sms almost all the time in everyday until midnight,
When I think back everything happened between both of them,
I feels like they more looks like couple although they are not together compare to me and him.

I know I shouldn't think all of this, but it keeps refreshing on my mind for don't know what reason,
I know I shouldn't cry, but my tear keep dropping for don't know what reason until I cant control it.
I know I am just a bad girlfriend for this part.

I just can said:
女人是种疑心重的动物~~

Happy Go Lucky~~

Seems like 'tok' the angry person really works. We stay in peace for a long time already. Really hope that we will be like this forever. No quarrel, even got quarrel will not angry after few minutes. That is a good sign, I like it:)

It is starting of mid sem break, this time he is not going home due to short period of holiday. At first plan to go Kuantan for a trip, but after think of it we need to spend some money again. And he wanted to buy the camera, so I feels like wanna give it up. I know this is last chance for us to go for a trip within this year, since there is no holiday already. But never mind la, don't know where to go, stay at hostel better, save money save time:)

Although I wish he could back home with me for my sister wedding's dinner( just a open house buffet celebrating her engagement.) But he already rejected few time, I think he really don't want to go back ba. Suan la, since he got class on next week, it will be a bit rush and he might be angry if I keep asking him back together. But now the problem is should I going back? Feels like lazy to take bus alone...

Depends on how's things go ba:)

心太软

为什么总是过不了自己那关，答应自己的事总是食言，我真的真的不想再过这样的生活了。为了这个男人，我已经找不回自己了。

从来吵架不会主动道歉的我，
从来不会主动牵男友手的我，
从来不会主动kiss男友的我，
从来不会主动抱着男友的我，
从来不会为了男友减肥的我，
从来不会为了男友下厨的我，
从来不会和男友抢付钱的我。

这样的我早在两年前就已经不存在了，
我天真的以为这样的改变能够打动他，
我天真的以为这样的改变就有机会当他一生的女人，
但我好像错了。

前几天，才和朋友说他改变了，要求他给我GoodBye Kiss 的时候他总是会给我。话才说完一天没到，事情就改变了。这一次，他非但不给，而且还不理我。

就算他不给我面子，当着他朋友的面前打我，我还是给足他面子，不生气他。
就算他很用力的关我车门，我很生气，我还是忍着不生气。
就算他说别人煮的食物比较好吃，我还是接受。

不过，我说过很多很多次了，无论你怎样对我都没关系，但请不要在我跟你说话的时候假装听不到，不理我。

始终他还是没把我说过的话放在心上。

当时的情况真的让我觉得自己很下贱，很下贱，真的很下贱，真的很想撞墙死了算了！

女人，什么时候你才会清醒，不要再让爱情失去自我了。
一个让你流泪的男人，不值得你这样对待他。

Troubleshooting= Trouble Shoot Back

This year during his birthday, I insists to ask help from Michelle to buy a cake for him since I have no time to buy it and I know he wanted a cake for his birthday.

And because of this reason, now I have to torture myself. He not only buy cake for other girls in front of me, he left the cake inside my car but did not asking me to help him sent to her.

I just wonder why boyfriend will ask his girlfriend to pass a cake to another girl. Although we are friend, but sorry, I am not that kind of generous people. Seriously, have a moment I think of not to pass the cake to her and let it inside my car. But in the end, don't know why I still pass it to her room although I am not happy with it.

In the night, he told me that he just want to thanks for her because celebrate his birthday this year, but why don't you tell me when you buy the cake? Although I know the reason, but why you can't tell me in front of me, always telling me using sms or email? 

I know, coming days will have more people birthday, another 4 times to go. 

It suppose to be a good day, but because of some stupid reason, we almost quarrel again. Seriously I hate quarrel:(

I just wonder why I always be so good to others, but feels like they won't treat me the same as I treat them.
Friends like that,
Now boyfriend also like that.

Friends, ask me to help them buy things, but never pay me the money. Why should I do all those things for you all? Waste my time and money as well!!
Friends, ask me help them doing something, teach them something, but it the end still blame on me.

Boyfriend, thought wanna help him to save money by cook for him frequently, not only did not appreciate it, but still saying that I am trying to let him get away from their course-mate. Since he already say like that, then I won't cook anymore.
It is a promise to myself. But before this I have to eat all the vegetables (if not because of what he say the day before, I wont buy so many different type of vege), I don't want to waste my money.

Just realize how stupid am I. Suddenly know why my money in Bank become lesser and lesser.

I will never try to troubleshoot a stupid problem anymore!

Crazy Final Year

Finally we are entering our first sem of final year. Before this I already expect this semester might be a bit busy than previous since we need to start on our final year project (FYP). But after the first week class, I realize that this semester not only a bit busy but would be very busy!!

During the first week of class, we already need to attend few seminar and received assignment from each subject. Although this semester only taking 3 subjects, but all those assignments are look like small FYP. About one semester time is needed to complete the tasks.

Microelectronics II class.
During the first class, lecturer already inform us that will have a quiz in the coming week, and it worth 5marks. Haiz, I only able to got 3 marks out of 5 marks.
Then, another individual assignment which we need to choose one topic from all the topic that he find for us. The assignment worth 25marks. Minimum pages is 50, it is just like our thesis=_=''

ECAD class.
Lecturer told us there will be a lot of homework and exercise, in the end of the semester, we need to complete a more complex task which is design CPU using VHDL. Not really worry about this subject since it is programming and I always interest on writing program. But if the lecturer give too many exercise or homework, I scare not enough time to do it ah:(

Professional Engineering Practical
Don't know what kind of subject is this. But I know it is all about theory, need a lot memorizing as well as communication skills. Need to speak out during every classes. Marks will be given in the class. Omg, I feels so sad why until today I still could not speak in front of others! If I continue behave like this, how I gonna pass my FYP seminar? Really need some changes and help:(

Problem Based Laboratory
This lab really make all of us crazy, don't know how to use the software, can't get used with Linux, although can done some part of the project but really don't understand what I have done. Need to do a lot research so that I know what to say during the presentation.

FPY1
I thought I had prepared to enter Nanoelectronics Field, accepting the offer from my previous lecturer, who knows the coordinator not allow me to do so and assigned me to a supervisor that I never seen before. Ok fine, I just think it is learning a new things, know a new lecturer. When I try to accept the fact, get some bad news from senior, saying that he will not be a good supervisor and I think it is not a rumor but a fact since not only one senior say like that. Even the lecturer also told me he will give the student C if he is not satisfy with their report.

I know this might be a crazy sem, but I try my best to not stress on myself by keep some time for entertainment like try to cook everyday, enjoying my breakfast by listening to music and etc.

默契

突然发现，我们是个没有默契的情侣。
Kukup 2.0 让我恍然大悟。

总是问自己，
为什么和他就不能说些情侣间该说的话，
为什么和他就不能拍出情侣间该有的照。

人家说，
默契是培养的，
但我们，
已经两年了，
还是那么的没有默契。

我不想比较，
因为比较只会让我更自卑，
只是实事总是让我胡思乱想。
今天的Morning Message，
让我想了很多。
前天的话语，
让我想了很多。
最后，
我总是告诉自己，
因为我是他的女友，
所以总是对我那么酷，
这是他的作风。

什么时候他才会和我说些情侣间该说的话？
什么时候他才会和我拍出情侣间该有的照？

等待，
延续着。。。

我的男人

终于他把那关系给拿下了，

既然那是他的选择，

我也一样选择成全他，

我也将那关系拿下了。

因为我不希望自己一厢情愿。

他是我的男人，

但他不会对我说：“我想你”。

他是我的男人，

但他不会对我说：“我爱你”。

我以为，

经过上次以后，

他明白一句“我爱你”对我的重要性。

我并不贪心，
不需要他每天把爱挂在嘴边，

但原来，

我还是错了，

上次以后就不曾再说出口。

就算是我要求，
他还是坚持。

有人对我说：“一个男人如果不再对你说我爱你，那他就真的不爱你了。”

那么，我的男人，还是我的吗？

两周年

过了第三个年头，

时间真的过得好快，

我们已经在一起整整两年了。

这两年来，

我们真的经过了许多风风雨雨，

也不知道我们吵了多少次的架，

和好了多少次。

庆幸的是，

两年后的今天我们还在一起，

为我们的未来努力着。

这两年来，

我们在不少地方留下了我们的足迹，

kukup, 新加坡，马六甲，吉隆坡，槟城，兰卡威，爱大华。

希望的是，

我俩的足迹可以踏遍全世界，

让我们的爱在每个角落都留下个烙印。

只想对你说，

谢谢你的不离不弃；

只想对你说，

让你在乎我多一点；

只想对你说，

很想牵着你的手一直走下去；

只想对你说，

敏敏很爱很爱你。

小气

一直以来我都说他是个小气的人，
事实上，
我也是个小气的人。

明知道那只是小小的事而已，
却因为他的没交代而耿耿于怀，
但又不敢告诉他我的不爽 : (

短发

自中五剪了一次短发以后，六年来都以长发见人。
终于我又再次把我的头发给剪短了，而且剪的比上次还短呢。

之前一直都知道他喜欢长发的女生，
或许这个发型又会让他大吓一跳吧？

如果脸上的痘痘和痘疤能够消除的话，
无论怎么看都会美的。
真希望明天早上起来照镜子的时候，
痘痘就消失了。

把头发剪短了，
把一切烦恼都给剪掉了。

有惊无喜

还以为那会是惊喜，
长途跋涉的去找他，
却在途中发现他约了其他人，
有惊没有喜，
失望而归。

还以为赶走了一只蜜蜂，
谁知道蝴蝶陆续有来。
信心大受打击。

当你超过别人一点点时，别人就会嫉妒你；
但当你超过别人一大截时，别人就会羡慕你。
你被别人嫉妒，说明你卓越；
如果你要嫉妒别人，就说明你无能。


这句话说得一点都没错。

不开心

今天的我很不开心，真的很不开心。
在店不到一个小时的时间，
几乎每个进来的顾客都问我同样的问题。
我的信心再次深受打击。

因为他们是顾客，
所以就算我多么的不开心，
我还是得笑着面对他们。
有几次，
我都快落泪了。

有时选择逃避他们的问题，
但他们却还是死缠烂打，
为的就是要我跟他们买产品。

如果产品有用，
我就不需要花掉原本可以去台湾的钱了。
如果产品有用，
现在的我就不会那么狼狈了。
如果产品真的有用，
我多多钱都给。
只是，
就算我花掉了原本要去台湾的钱，
买了产品，
去了美容院，
结果我还是那个样子。

两年了:(

The end of Memorable Trip~

Finally comes to the end of our trip. Our last destination was my hometown-Ayer Tawar.

Don't know why this time he will agree to back home with me.
Maybe he worry me to drive alone;
Maybe he is ready to meet with my parents;
Maybe he just want to accompany me one day more.

No matter what is the reason, I believe it is all because of me.
Thank you very much to him:)
I am happy with it, finally I have the chance to introduce him to my parents and get approval from my parents.
I don't know what's his thinking, but for me it is a good sign:)

Our trip was ended with happy ending in my hometown:)

The way to Marina Island

Marina Island 

Next step would be I go to visit his parents, but just like he said, it will be a long time for the day to reach.
Anyway, I am waiting the day to come~~

Memorable trip Part 5

30 July 2011
结束兰卡威之旅的第二天，我们继续在槟城走透透。
不知他从哪得知的面包档，我们以Google Map，成功到达目的地。那里的面包还真的不错下呢。
早餐之后，先前往附近的馨香买了几盒著名的豆沙饼带回家孝敬家人。

第一站，缅甸寺和睡佛。

 

好大尊的佛像

在这两间庙呆了近两个小时后，肚子不争气的响了，于是我们便乘搭槟州免费巴士前往那出名的Laksa店去。满足了我们的肚子以后，继续我们的旅程。

再一次搭上了免费巴士，到达了法庭，然后开始步行往每个旅游景点前去。我们几乎走完了旅游指南上的所有景点呢。

St. George's Church

Penang State Musuem

Goddess of Mercy Temple

Mahamariamman Temple

Teow Chew Temple

 

Masjid Melayu Lebuh Acheh

Esplanade

Fort CornWallis

Queen Victoria Memorial Clock Tower

Star Cruise

晚上，在James Foo Western Food 享用了晚餐后继续前往Batu Ferringhi 走沙滩， 原本想看日落的，谁知道天不作美，竟然没太阳呢。

没关系，就像我所说的，只要我们一天没看到日出日落，我们就还有借口出游。数之不尽的旅程等我们呢:)

Memorable trip Part 4

29 July 2011
Finally the last day of our Langkawi Trip is coming. Due to the reason we almost visited all of the places, we decided spend the whole day for shopping.

Since we just want to shopping and we have not enough sleep for last few days, so we decided to wake up late. Around 11am, we check out from the hotel and went to buy things. Survey a few shop before buy the chocolate, but 1pm like that we already finished bought everything and went for our lunch.

Since it is still early, so we went to shopping again and I bought a Vincci shoe because got 50% discount. At first we plan to watch movie de, but the price is too expensive and therefore e decided to have a walk at Pantai Cenang again before going back.

Sit at Pantai Cenang for about 4 hours, seeing people playing water sport, chit chat and etc. Take some picture before going to airport.

6pm, arrived in airport and return the car. Waiting at airport until 8pm and we reached Penang Airport in 8.45pm. Maybe cause of my dear is too tired for last few days, he is not feeling well when he come down from flight. 

We took 102 Rapid Penang back to home by getting a free bus ticket with firefly ticket. After arrived in home, I went out to buy dinner for him because of he is not feeling well. Luckily he is good after a sleep:)

Memorable trip Part 3

28 July 2011
结束了第一天的行程，为了节省开销我们决定了买面包Tuna 当早餐吃。由于昨天下了定今早九点去Island Hopping，而且我们要自行驱车前往Pantai Cenang，所以我们七点半就得起身准备了。享用了我们的早餐以后，便前往目的地了。九点正，到达目的地。

大约九点十五分，负责人便带我们前往搭船去。这还是他的第一次搭船出海呢。为了寻求刺激，我们选择了坐在船的前方。

第一站，传说中的孕妇岛。

从这个角度看过去还真的很像个孕妇呢

拍了孕妇相后当然少不了去传说中的孕妇湖啦。相传喝了这里的水有助于让那些不孕的妇女怀孕呢。

看，这可是个著名的地方，不到半个小时，整个湖就充满了人潮。

第二站，喂老鹰去。前往看老鹰的地方时，竟然下起了大雨，让我们全身都湿透了呢。

那里的老鹰比我想象中的少，不过这还是第一次观看老鹰呢。

Island Hopping 的第三站：Pulau Payah Basah 一个只让人游泳戏水的岛，没有任何的水上活动。而我们选择了坐在一个角落，玩自拍，谈谈情，说说爱。

大概十二点半左右，结束了我们的Island Hopping。比预期中早了一个小时，不过还算是个不错的旅程。我们选择了在兰桂坊享用我们的午餐。

接着，我们便继续驱车前往Telaga Tujuh，途中我们经过了这个Telaga Habour，景观不错，便停下脚步歇会，拍张照片。

拍完了照片，驶了大约二十分钟，我们终于到达传说中的七仙女瀑布。由于体力的缘故，我们只走了一半的路程，并没成功到达山顶。半山的瀑布已经不错了，只是那些猴子真的太聪明了，我让它给吓了一大跳呢。

 由于之前就听说缆车只有在五点过后才有折扣，所以我们在瀑布呆上了大约两个小时知道四点半才离开前往Oriental Village 去。参观一番后，在五点正便排队买票上山去。
我才知道其实我亲爱的他怕高呢。不过为了达到我的愿望，他还是硬着头皮陪我上去。感动-ing~~

搭上这个缆车，往下看，可以看完整个兰卡威呢。

大约六点半，我们见天色不怎么乐观，便决定下山去享用晚餐然后回酒店休息。谁知道我们找来找去都找不到间适合的餐馆，最后竟然沦落到吃Maggie Goreng。 

就这样，一天又结束了。

Memorable trip Part 2

27 July 2011
 Langkawi Trip- 一个我等了好久的旅程终于到了。
由于我们的飞机是早上八点的，所以我们得在七点之前抵达机场。好久没有两个人一起搭公共巴士了。第一次搭飞机的感觉，又兴奋又有点害怕，不过和他在一起就什么都不怕了

说来我们还真有点不幸运，原本8.20am的飞机被延迟到8.50am。
刚上飞机不久就下起了大雨导致我们的飞机延迟了近半个小时抵达。
到了机场又不见得有任何人在推销出租车子，幸好有备而来拿了电话。
拿到车子以后，要去打油，却找不到油站，幸好车子没抛锚。

幸运的是，我们租到了建便宜又干净的旅店。
由于下雨，我们的计划都得延后，所以我们决定先在酒店歇息知道午餐时间才出门。
大概一点左右，吃了午餐后我们出发了。

第一站
巨鹰广场(Eagle Square)

拍了几张照片以后，我们往Lagenda Park 走去。一个好大好大的公园，我们走到脚累了都走不完呢。

原本打算去参观Crystal去的，可因为找不到所以便往Rice Museum 驶去。由于下雨的关系，我们全程都得带着雨伞，还挺浪漫的，幸好他没因此而生病，不然我可会内疚呢。

前往Rice Museum 途中看到这个Look Up Point, 便停下车来看看。 

参观了稻米园后，我们往Pantai Cenang去。因为天不作美，原本打算戏水的我们不能下水了。就在沙滩上走走逛逛，看他们玩水上活动，还蛮刺激的呢:)

走完沙滩的同时，我们服了定金准备明天的Island Hopping, 比喻其中的便宜了十令吉，让我们的Budget又减少了:)

原本打算在兰桂坊享用我们的晚餐，谁知星期三竟然是他们的休息日。结果我们不得已回到Kuah Town 寻找食物。由于之前有做了些调查，所以还算不难找到吃晚餐的角落。

由于天色已晚，我们又不爱逛街，所以我们便回到酒店歇息，养足精神，准备第二天的旅程。

Memorable trip Part 1

25 July 2011
It was a big surprise that he suddenly appear in front of my house. Because I thought he will only come in Tuesday:) Never think that he will give me such a surprise.

He reach my house around 4pm and we went out to Gurney Drive at 5.30pm for our dinner. After dinner, we went to Straits Quay for a walk. Took some photo for our memories:)

After a walk in Straits Quay, we drive around Georgetown have a look and then back to house.

26 July 2011
Went to market for our breakfast before departing to Penang Hill. Penang Hill, I really wish to go there for a long time ago, finally there is a chance. There is a nice view from th top, but due to our camera quality is not that good, we cant capture a very nice photo. Of course we did capture a lot nice photo as well.

After Penang Hill, we went to Kek Lok Si. I forget how many times I had been kek lok si already, but with him is the first time:) Again we took a lot of picture at there until he ask me a question:" Why nowadays you like to take picture so much?" Haha, he will never know it is because I want to capture all of our memory and can review when we are old.

Due to time limitation, we are not able to go Jalan Burma as planned. So we just went to Toy Museum. There have a lot of toy inside the small museum. We have a nice time at there. But the entrance fee is expensive RM10 per pax.

In the night, having seafood at Tambun with Julian and Hui Ru. It was good to hang out with them because we really long time din meet each others already.

Seafood dinner treated by Julian, thank you very much to him :)

End of Internship

Finally 10 weeks internship were ended. Last week internship in Intel, do nothing.
Monday
Farewell lunch with my buddy at Daorea Restaurant, the food is not that nice actually, but I enjoy the moment.

Tuesday
Complete all of the work and submitted to my buddy and my buddy declare that it was the end of my internship, although it is still days to go~~

Wednesday
Farewell dinner with June at Sakei Sushi. It was a nice time with her. We really can talk a lot:)

Thursday
Last meeting with my buddy, He gave me some advise and welcome me back to Intel again after I graduated. Although I wish to come back again, but still thinking whether I should come back or not, it is too many factor to consider:)

Friday
Comes to the last day, went outside for lunch. After come back from lunch, start to say GoodBye to my colleagues, and suddenly feels that I am actually have some kind of feeling through them. It is just 不舍得:(
My manager come to send me out Intel when 5.30pm and that time only I know that he is actually from Sitiawan. There's nothing special, but I just feels proud of being Ayer Tawar people:)

Saturday
ASDG celebration in BayView hotel. It is a bit boring in the back, but I did have a great lunch time with all those Engineer, they are so friendly, feels like why I know them so late and have a feels to extend my internship. Get to know a new friend from UM, she is so nice and talkative like me, I like to talk with her:)

Here goes my internship life, it was a memorable internship life, I did get a lot of knowledge throughout this internship. But the duration is really to short already, I have not enough time to get more knowledge:)

Internship Week 9

Time past fast, weeks 9 is ended.

Monday is Public Holiday, rest at home.

Tuesday, hang out with hui ru, really got some time din meet with her already. Have a nice chatting session with her.

Wednesday, FKE lecturer come to visit us. I am glad that I have a great buddy. He keep praise me in front of my Uni Supervisor, and the most important things is he told my lecturer he will definitely hire me if I am coming back to Intel again. This was definitely increase my confident, although I know it may not be a truth, but thank you so much:)

Thursday, attending a talk by My Uni Lecturer, Dr. Ramlee about Antenna, just realize that actually my knowledge on comm its still there, wonder why I going to change course again.

Friday, feels so frustrated when I failed to buy the laptop online:(
Have a first meeting with SIP group, it is great to hear that we can attend the ASDG celebration although we are interns only.
First time stay in office until 6.15pm because of waiting June to finished her work. Just a usual chatting session plus dinner.

Saturday, just feels like don't wanna doing anything. Suppose to go bon odori, but end up I am not going because I suddenly feels like don't want to go out with them.

Sunday, coming soon, but I don't have any plan to go any where, will stay at home for a rest.

Next week will be my last week in Intel, I know I am gonna miss the life, so I have to enjoy my last moment in the office, enjoy my last task and my last moment with my colleagues:)

Miss

Miss you everyday and don't know why, today really miss you much much.

Just today, don't know why suddenly feels like so lonely, how good if I can have a hug from you right now:)

Sweetie

This week, I noticed his changes. The message between us are slightly different with last time. Finally he understand what I want and he is trying to give me what I want~♥

Finally he was left his Aiesec position. Everything will back to normal, no more meeting on every week, no more gathering every week, no more activities. Although I am happy, but I know he is not that happy. As he say, he will miss those day together with them, those day they crazy together and etc. I have the same feeling when I left IEM. But due to some reason, I am not going to join any activities or gathering that related to IEM.

2 more weeks, then we can meet up already. Really miss him so much, wish to meet with him as soon as possible:)

Internship Week 8

Here goes my week 8 internship life.

Monday and Tuesday
Since no body can help me on the assignment, so I can just recover it myself by reading some notes from our team website. But I realizes that it is not much sources in the website, all is outdated. Some of the notes I really can't understand although I read again and again. No more chatting life with him. Maybe all is my fault, chat with him too frequent until his company noticed it and block the gmail chat as well. So sorry to him, cause I think that is the only entertainment during his work, but now no more already:(

Wednesday
Meet with Yik Thien during lunch time. Before meet with her, I thought the situation would be 'cold', but luckily we can chat until 1hour++ without 'cold situation':)
Same day afternoon, we have Tropical Fruit Party. Have durian, rambutan, cempedak and mangis. I were about 10 years din eat durian, never thought will break it in Intel. But the taste is nice, I am wonder why last time I will stop eating durian;p
I like rambutan the most as rambutan is my favorite fruit since I am small.

Thursday
Having lunch at Gim Gary Restaurant to celebrate colleague birthday.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday
My friend, Kyra Lee was came to Penang. Pity her that sit more than 12hours journey to reach Penang.
We going to eat Taiwan Bull and chicken chop. Just keep eating on Saturday. Really will fat die me, this week need to keep fit again. If not, everything will be same as 8weeks before, I don't want fat body!!

Today
Replacement of saturday Public holiday. So good, can rest at home, just don't wish to go anywhere although my house-mate are inviting me to Sing K and watch movie with them.
 

Let people throw like a ball

My-buddy,J-Wing pass the question to me
He also ask Leng Chong (Member from SATA) give me some example
Then he ask to me work with Ee Ann and Hui Ping.

First day, find Leng Chong to ask about the details on the task. He explain a lot to me, the time he explain I really understand about it, but when I back to my place and start to work on it, I found out many question.
Then, I ask Leng Chong again, but he ask me refer to Hui Ping.
Ok, then I go and ask Hui Ping, then she give me some files, which is wrong but she din tell me need to edit it. I use my whole afternoon to debug the error. End up, I still don't know why the error occurs.

Today, continue debug the error, but still cannot, so I ask Hui Ping if the files she gave me got error. Then only she told me that the files she give me is for LPT but now I am working on VLV. She tell me need to make changes on one of the files and if still got error, then find Leng Chong again.
Ok fine, so I make changes in the files that she told me need to change. But still there is error occurs.
So, I am going to ask Leng Chong again. Then he say I should refer to Ee Ann or Hui Ping.
What the ****!! I should refer to who?
At that time, really not feeling good. In the end, I think Leng Chong feels sympathy on me, so he come to my cube and teach me something.
The thing that he do actually I did try before, just there's something I not sure. Omg, I spent one day time but he solve in 15minutes.
After that he ask me to refer Ee Ann for the rest of the assignment cause he is not from USB2 but SATA one. So many things that he can't help.I understand his situation. Thank you very much.

Then I going to ask Ee Ann about the question, she ask me refer to Hui Ping or our Design Automation people, Leong. Ok, then I try to ask Hui Ping again, who knows she ask me to refer Ee Ann. I am almost give up at that time, but I think maybe Leong can help me. Who knows I din saw Leong online. End up the question come back to myself.

I can't blame anyone, because they don't have any responsible on teaching me. Yup, I am just a trainee.

There's no slide for me, everyone say they dont have the slide on it.
It can't found on internet, because all of them are Intel flow.
How I gonna solve the problem tomorrow?

This situation make me feels like last time I were too stupid, I should not explain to the others person too details. Maybe I am the one who act wrong from the beginning.

我爱你

好久不见的我爱你，终于再次出现了。
星期一，告诉他我们应该想想这段感情是否还要继续下去，他没有马上回复我的信息，相反地，他回复了一封电子邮件。他不回复我信息的原因很明显。我知道他心痛是因为他爱我，他不知如何是好也是因为他爱我，只是他没说出口，所以那还不能溶化我的心。

星期二，他告诉了我他的想法，他在我背后做的一切。有些事，他不告诉我我真的不会知道。就好象他退出Aiesec 的 conference committee， 我曾经问过他始否因为我而犹豫，那时他跟我说不是。虽然当时的我也觉得他是为了我，但既然他说不是我就选择了相信。
那晚，一如往常地发了封信息给他，可是那没回复，重复又重复的检查Gmail，也没有回复，我以为没希望了，那晚我流泪了，累了，睡着了。

星期三，没看到他上Gmail，没回复，什么动静都没有，心想难道我真的看错他了吗？结果他没让我失望，我最想听到的：“对不起，我爱你。”真的出现了。就这样我们和好了。

同一天，我看到了fireflyz去Langkawi的机票有便宜，来回才RM50，于是决定了要和他出去走走，给我们的爱情加温。

星期四，因为我的期望，他答应了，只是时间上可能会有点冲忙，希望这个旅程可以顺顺利利吧。找了几间旅店，还蛮便宜的，从RM53 到 RM90 的都有，只是不知道他要的是最便宜但不是很美的还是稍微美一点的房间但贵一点的。
晚上，定了机票，两个人来回RM100，超值。

星期五，感觉就快生病了，而他出乎意料的给我写了封信息。
Don't get sick ya.. Sleep more la, take care, drink more water and buy liang cha drink la.
这样的问候让我甜在心里。他真的开窍了吗？如果是的话，那我相信我们这段感情将会越来越甜蜜。

真的很期待三个星期后的旅程。。
要是到时他可以顺便陪我回家见见我的家人，我相信这段感情会越来越稳定的:)

Internship Week 7

It was a boring week 7 for my internship, my supervisor and buddy went to US already and I finished the assignment for this week on last week. So, there's nothing for me to do. First time keep online in the office, lunch for one and a half hour and etc. It is boring, everyday waiting for 5.30pm only. I don't like it. Luckily in the end of this week my buddy send a new assignment for me to do. Friday is the only day that I have something to do:)

This week Intel got Employee Expo 2011. Get to know many product that powered by Intel latest processor. Got robot, Smart TV, Tablets, 3D TV without glasses and etc. After visit all of the booth, can make a digital postcard and finally get a free botol:)

Friday, most of them are going for team building because it is end of the month. In Intel, every group can have a team building once a month, Intel will subsidy each person RM25 every month. But too bad, my group are too busy and we had missed 2 month team building gathering and I think I will never have a chance to join their team day since it left 3 weeks for my internship only and my team still rushing for their project.

Weekend, first time have a chance to stay at home alone. All of my house-mate went to Ipoh find nice food to eat, go Gua Tempurung, go eat seafood and etc. I am joining their discussion on where to go, but I am not joining their trip, because I know it is not convenience to go out with 5guys and I should respect my boyfriend. Stay at home watch dram for a whole day, the feeling is good, but when the night is come, I start feels scare and think of many many things, luckily he is accompany me until I fall a sleep:)

Here goes my week7 in Penang.

敏敏很爱你

一直重复又重复的听着梁静如和光良的明明很爱你。
突然觉得那MV真的很有意思。
为什么爱一定要说出口？
心里爱就好啦。
只是我却是那个你不对我说我爱你就代表你不爱我的人。

明明知道他不会说，
可是我却选择了等待。
等待他的一句我爱你。
一句我爱你，
就能把我的心给溶化。
一句我爱你，
就能挽救这段来得不易得爱情。

我的他，会做到吗？

~敏敏很爱你~

失败了

明明很爱他，
明明很想坚持，
明明很想等待，
可是我的心告诉我不等了。

或许真的是时候面对事实了吧？
开始明白了，
那是两个人的事。

我很爱他，可是一个人去守着一段感情真的很累。

几天前有个人对我说：“如果你男友知道你在这有人追的话，他肯定会飞快的上槟城来找你。”
我说：“这样的事绝对不可能发生。”
而今天，我就快说出分手了，
而他，就连电话都没有一通，信息也没一封。
事实证明，我还是了解他的。

我承认，自己又一次的败在爱情上了T.T

爱情观

姐姐来了一趟槟城以及看到那对金童玉女再次走在一起，随即又想写东西了。

姐姐男友简称姐夫吧，反正都是迟早的事。真的很贴心，每一年的生日纪念日除了一束玫瑰花之外，一定有个惊喜。昨天和他们出去，看到了那束玫瑰花，真的很美。虽然总是说浪费，但事实上那真的很浪漫。

姐夫真的没话说了，不只疼我姐而已，他也很疼我们的家人。未来我也要找个不单疼我也疼我家人的男人来当我老公，不知道他会不会是个适合的人选 :)

金童玉女，当初他们宣布分开的时候真的让很多人都跌破了眼镜，没想到兜兜转转他们又再次走在一起。这证明了爱情这东西，属于你的话不管绕多少圈，绕多大圈，他永远都会回到你身边。所以相反的，如果不属于你的话，死命抓在手中也是无济于事的，他始终会离开你。

好一句：“比较，让自信泯灭。” 如果可以往好的一方面想的话，比较其实可以让它变成一种良性的竞争，这样人才会长大。


不知道他为什么突然会有这样的感受，试着问过他，但总是得不到任何答案。或许身为男友的
他真的不想让我担心吧。只是他不知道这样我反而会胡思乱想：“他是不是在拿自己来和我比
较呢？” 这个问题在我看到他的post的那刻出现在我的脑海里。是我吗？


如果真的是我，我想肯定跟我实习的工钱有关，只想对他说：“现在实习工钱高过你，学比你多的东西，不代表毕业后你会输我，每个人都有自己的长处，只是需要发掘~~加油，不管怎样我都会支持你的。。。”

Internship Week 6

It was an amazing week6.

Monday, going to gurney drive find food with dai lou and hui ru. After that 游车河 around georgetown. I t is a great time, although it have been 2 years we din see each other, but the feeling is like we just meet few days ago. Maybe this is so called true friend.

Wednesday, dinner we my ex-ex-ex roommate. My diploma first year roommate, she had been taking care of me for one year time during my first year diploma life. Without her, my first year life will not be that wonderful.

Thursday, hang out with June. She is not my roommate, but toilet mate during my diploma second year life. Haha, maybe because of we are toilet mate, so we having gathering in toilet theme restaurant:) I always share my feeling with her during diploma life. Even when we came to Skudai, we still keep in touch, although it is not that frequent, but time never spoil our relationship. So good to have such a friend.

Saturday, my sister's birthday and she came to Penang Island with her boyfriend. Not only treat my sister to cruise, treat me also. We are having a great night in the cruise. Although before this I wish to go with my boyfriend, but I never regret that I am following them, sometime it's really needs some 冲动, else many plan will be failed.

Sunday, back from cruise about 10am, after that going to shopping at Gurney Plaza and having lunch at Kenny Rogger. Again treated by sister boy friend. I never denied that he is really a good husband. Happy that my sister would get such a good boy friend and future husband in her life.

Wish to have such a life for the 4 weeks left~~

Internship 6

Finally get my first salary in my life. RM 1212.49.

Don't know why will be this number, but i think it is one and a half month salary. Feels so good to get my first salary. As I say before, I want to keep this salary for my ShangHai trip.

Going back home last week, the duration is short, but at least I enjoy the moment together with my parents. Think of going back home again~~Discuss my future with my parents, everyone ask me to find job at Singapore after graduate. Yup, there is high pay, but I still think of it. Singapore, seems near, yet far. I know he would like to stay at kl with his mother and I never think of asking him to follow me. Just need some time. At least I want to work with something I like to do for 5 years after I graduate.

As he said, the farther we are, the lesser we miss each other. Just like what we study in electrical, the higher the resistance the lower the energy. Once not enough energy, the system will not function. Just like a relationship, when the distance increase, the obstacle increase, therefore the power of love will reduce, when the power reduce, it is difficult to maintain that relationship.

Sunday reached home around 7pm, feels so angry once I entered the home, the living room is so dirty, I think nobody sweep the floor last weekend. After that went to kitchen, again, no people throw the rubbish, it is full and got worm sumore. Then on the way walk to my room, I can smell the sweat smell from their room. What the hell, how come I have this kind of house-mate, how come they can tahan the smell. That's the reason I like to lock myself inside my room:(

Yesterday went out with dai lou and hui ru. That's great night, although I din talk much, but at least now I can talk something with him already. Not that paiseh with speaking English with him. Must train myself during this period.

Internship Week 5

Wow, it was week 5 already. That's great, wish it will over very soon.

These two days the traffic jam like hell no matter going to work or came back from work. I am not that kind of patience people, really don't like traffic jam although sometime I did enjoy it in another way.

These two weeks my buddy was assigned someone else to giving me job. The job is fun but sometime it really make me feels stress and need to overtime at office when the due date is coming. Hopefully tomorrow I could finished my this week job so that I can leave office earlier and going back home.

Finally my dream to go oversea was come true, I am going to ShangHai after 2 months:) Yeah..
I have a wish, wish to use my first salary to treat my mother go ShangHai. Hopefully I could survive and my wish will come true again.

There is still many dreams on travel, wish to go Langkawi, wish to onboard to the cruise, wish to go Taiwan and going all around the world. I gonna make my dream come true in someday!!

I believe I can do it!!

心情不好1

心情又不好了，
突然觉得那个远方的他好陌生。
不知如何形容此时此刻的心情。

或许是我自己踩得太深了吧。

去Food Fair,看到Blackcurrent水，想到他可能会喜欢，就买下了。

想到他可能会来槟城，去Batu Ferringin,去Gurney Drive，路线都一一记下来了。

想到他可能也想去Langkawi，拒绝了屋友准备和他一起去。

想到他可能会想念我，打算去KL找他给他惊喜，结果他拒绝了。

想到他喜欢唱k，就应了蕙茹的约，半夜十二点去练习唱k到四点。

想说心情不好，暗示想和他聊天，结果他无动于衷。
想说他作工没东西做会很闷，所以陪他聊天，可是他却好像不怎么想和我聊。

他叫我买张Reload Card，就算不懂那里有得卖，就算怎么不顺路，也要帮他找到。

但为什么他总是可以那么的冷淡？
但为什么他总是可以那么的轻松？
为什么找不回从前的感觉了？

或许那些我认为好的东西，对他来说却是一种负担。
凡事不要太强求，适可而止。
或许应该放慢脚步，静静地观赏身边的一切了。。
爱情不是一种负担。

分手吗？

或许从一开始就错了吧。

想要每天信息，失败了。

想要打电话给他，失败了。

想要去找他，失败了。

很想知道，是不是我的问题？

为什么他跟别人就可以说那么的多，而跟我就短短的两句？

不知道自己为什么那么天真，

为什么这么白痴，

竟然异想天开。。

每天信息都失败了，

还想打电话给他；

电话都不想接了，

还想去找他？

从来没想过自己会因为爱情而变得这么的白痴。

我想我是没药救了。

突然想起他说过的一句话：“等我们LI结束后，我去了槟城才分手吧。”

如果真是那样的话，

我希望我的LI永远不会结束，

希望他永远都不会来槟城。

分手，我以为是那么的遥远，

可是，它偏偏就是那么的近。

只是，如果注定要分开为何当初要开始呢？

当我心情不好时

当我心情不好时，我就只会来这里倾诉。
身为他的女友，
他从来不打电话给我也就算了，
他不让我每天打电话给他也就算了，
他说他在楼下不能接我电话也就算了，
他说他睡着了没听到我的电话也就算了，
怎知道原来连他在外面和别人在一起也不能接我电话告诉我他不得空听电话。
原来在他心目中我是那么的渺小，就连短短的五分钟都不肯给我。

我生气我自己，
为什么总是喜欢和他聊天，
为什么总是要打电话给他，
为什么总是无时无刻的想念他，
为什么总是不敢和他说出心里话，
为什么总是那么的爱他。

我到底该怎么做？
一直说要改变，
却怎么都改变不了，
或许我的耐心真的因他而增加了吧。

Internship 4

Comes to the end of second week of internship. Getting more and more knowledge within this week. I wish I could learned more than what I had expected.

Today got meeting with buddy, and he talk more about what I will do during this internship and what they will do in this team. His explanation make me feels interested to joined this team in the future. Those things that related to microprocessor and programming really attract me.

Maybe as a senior engineer, they like to treat new comer like me by giving me some simple explanation, then when I understand what he talk about he will keep praising me. Maybe this is the way he attract me to joined this team. If this is the purpose, then he did it. I really start attracted to this team. Another reason maybe he  don't know what I had learn in Uni, so he start from simple one. But this possibility is quite low since he also graduated from UTM.

Praise from him actually make me feels guilty, because sometime I really don't think that I know a lot of things and again my English make me feels down again, I cant even communicate well with him for only half an hour. As he says, local student always don't dare to ask. I know if he allow me to ask in Mandarin, then I will have a lot of questions, but it needs to be in English, so I prefer to search it by google.

This few days always wish to talk with my dear, but he is always did not answer my call. As he told me before, he not always bring his phone along, so can't answer my call. I understand the situation, I also keep on telling myself don't call him, but end up I can't control myself and in the end feels disappointed when he din pick up my call:(

Just wish to hear from him when I wish to hear his sound, but my wish is always cannot comes true. On the other hand, my call maybe was make him feels 烦. I know I shouldn't call him again, but I also know at this moment I still haven't success to control myself in calling him:(

Sorry for disturbing.

Internship 3

Finally there’s something for me to do in office. Learn another new useful programming language- PERL except from UNIX operating system. Although all those commands are quite difficult to remember, but I am quite interested in learning all those things. Wish I really can get more knowledge in this internship.

Yesterday he replies me a short message with only good night, feels like he is not happy yesterday. But I don't know what happen, think of asking him, but I am sure that he won’t tell me he is not happy although he really not happy.

Think of give him a call, but I don't know if he wish to hear from me or not. Because that day when I call him, feels like he don't wanna talk for long time. Maybe because of his mother is beside him ba. I don't know when suitable time:(

Last week everyday also got messgae him, don't know he will feel frustrated or not, not really dare to sms him, but I really miss him so much..

♥I LOVE You, My Dear♥

Internship 2

First week of LI was ended. Feels like doing nothing on this week, haven't get my pc yet, many things still can't settle. Currently in the learning stage of Perl Language and Unix. Seems like not easy to learn, but quite interested to learn new programming language. Hopefully I can get PC very soon and can start write program.

Due to the reason that I still haven't get my PC yet, so I cant get to updated my bank account, this was cause my next month salary cant be paid on time. It's time to save money. Luckily here food is cheaper than Johor. Can save some money if I everyday only eat vegetables to cover the petrol and parking money.

At first thought no need drive to work everyday, now not only everyday need to drive to work, sometime night also need to fetch them go out for dinner. Petrol fee need to pay by myself, parking fee also need to pay by myself.

I know he is unhappy that I fetch them to work and dinner, but what to do, they say want to sit my car impossible for me to say no. Dinner time, they ask me to drive again and I also don't know how to reject them. Luckily the distance to working place and dinner place is not that far away from my apartment. But Penang people driving skills really terrible, I let them scare many times already:(

Just one week time, I already feels tired, not because of the work, but because of someone. Really don't like the situation that listen to 碎碎念especially when his mood not good, I am just a housemate, why I need to see his face. I think this is the only things that I don't like in Penang except from Penang's driver is terrible.

Wish to listen my dear sound to calm me down, but I don't dare to do so, because I had promised him.

Interns in Penang1

Finally I have to go Penang for my internship. Not really like the place here, people here driving very terrible, I already not the first time almost accident. Every time when I drive also scare, especially when I am not really sure which road I should enter.

Although it is just less than one week time did not meet with you, I already miss you so much, I think I already kena your poison:) But I don’t dare to tell you. I think your work must be very stress and not that easy. Don’t want to increase your burden, so I started to pretend I enjoy the life here. Actually I am not at all, maybe after a few weeks, things will change, but definitely not now.

I am trying my best to enjoy my life here. Start to google map, try to get to know every interested places, so that I can give him a nice trip in Penang. Although I not sure if he will come to find me, but I think I better prepare umbrella before rain. Who knows he will come to find me after his internship.

Drive without you, I lost some 安全感。 Life without you, I lost myself.

一个人

一个人面对着这前所未有的压力，原来不容易。T.T

本以为自己一个人可以的，都忍了近两个星期，为什么却不能多忍两天？再过两天他就回家了，他永远都不会知道。明知道让他知道只会多一个人烦恼，我真的很没用，还是忍不住告诉了他，增加了他的烦恼。

我很清楚的知道那是我的责任，如果不是我这事就不会发生，就好像那天他说的那样，是我逼他的。

既然是我的责任，这是就让我自己来承担吧。

在我告知他的第二天，一切都成为过去式了。
这两个星期，虽然总是活在害怕的日子里，但这一路走来经历了很多，让我明白了很多东西，了解了很多东西。有些东西，勉强是没有幸福的。

Desaru Trip

There was another overnight trip for both of us. As promise before, we want to go out dating for once in every semester. This time was 2 days 1 night trip.


Desaru, it is actually nothing special, it is just a beach. At first when I plan for this trip, I never think of going to play water with him since last time he did said that his mother not allow him to play water in the beach. What I plan is we go there have a rest and see sunrise. It sound like boring, but this is so called dating what.

12pm, we depart from TamanU, he is so good because he volunteer to drive. I know he scare I tired of driving long distance. After about 2hours, we reach at Tanjung Balau, where the place we would like to stay. 2.30pm, we check-in into the chalet, the chalet is not bad, but quite expensive. RM110 per night reduce to RM90 per night after I bargain with the person incharge.

3.30pm, we prepared to go desaru beach, as I said before; I never plan to play water before, so we din bring any clothes for change. Who know, he suddenly suggest that we go into water. Hence, both of us start to play water and finally we are wet! Unfortunately, both of us don’t know how to swim, so we can just play water.

After that, we are playing sand on the beach. And about 6pm, we are going to leave the beach with wet attire. What a memorable outing, I like it so much. Because I always dream to do like that with my boyfriend, and I never thought he will do this with me. What a surprise :)

Because of there is nothing to eat, finally we choose to eat inside Lotus Desaru Hotel. Damn expensive, two persons eat RM 56! But never mind la, birthday celebration lor. After dinner, we went back to our chalet and rest. It is just 9aomething and luckily we got bring our laptop there. Else we got no song to listen, no game to play.

Although I saw something that I don’t wishes to see, but I believe he will delete it as he had promise to me. Just wonder why he doesn’t like to take photo together with me? And the answer is because I got too many pimples, so I also give up.

It was happened something that unexpected. But what to do, I know nothing I can do, although I am damn scare, but life still go on. What can I do is wait for 2 weeks time. I really wish everything will be fine.

The next day, we went to beach again for two hours, the weather is so good, and finally it was raining. Hence we are departing back to UTM around 11.30pm. I know he is tiring because of not enough sleep, so I am going to be the driver. About 1pm, we arrived in Jusco Tebrau and having lunch there. And we reach UTM around 3pm.

It was a tiring but memorable trip. I do enjoy it. Thanks for accompany me doing this all.

和好了吗？

我们算和好了吗？又一次，是我的主动。我不知道我还能做出多少次的主动，我真的不知道我们的关系能维持多久。不管跟他说多少次，到最后他还是会忘记。曾经你说过你不会搞浪漫，但你会对我很好，这是你答应我的。可是你做到了吗？

不知道什么时候开始我学会了迁就，道歉。以前的霸道，野蛮，统统都得收起来，有时候真的真的很生气，很无奈，但还是得装大方，为的只是讨你开心，只是这样做真的值得吗？你，会珍惜吗？

每一次生气，都告诉自己不准主动道歉，可是最后还是因为想跟他说话，然后就硬着头皮跟他说话。就算好像白痴一样自言自语，也愿意。因为每次都告诉自己总有一天他会发现我的好。

一直都认为包容是维持一段感情的主要因素，只是如果只有一个人一直默默付出，另一个人根本没发现的话，那算是包容吗？

有时候在想，如果他会来到这里看看我的心声那该有多好，因为我实在没有勇气对他说这些，说这些只会让他觉得我烦而已。然后又是吵架收场，最后我又是我道歉。自找苦吃，何必呢？

每段感情总有一个天使，只是时间久了，天使也是会累的；天使也是有自尊的。

心痛

做么我要喜欢你？

想了一整个晚上，想了很多理由来为他辩护，可是还是得不到一个可以让我接受的答案。

为什么和我在一起了一年多的男人竟然会对我说出这么一句话？

突然，我失了魂，第一次不知如何是好。。

累了

我生气的时候，只要你跟我说话，我就会气消了，可是为什么你总是让我孤单的活着？
主动开口跟我说句话真的那么难吗？

然后到最后，我又是那个主动跟你说话的人，为什么总是让我做那个人？

很早以前我就说过，最讨厌人家对我食言，而你不只对我食言，你似乎已经忘记了那么一回事。

上个星期我和他们出去让你耿耿于怀，我以为明天可以补偿，谁知道你却食言了。或许在你眼里上个星期的事也算是我对你的食言吧。我只想说，上个星期我是约了你星期四晚上的，只是那晚你有开会。

我讨厌他们，讨厌那些让你对我食言的人。
将心比心，我曾经因为社团的人对你食言过吗？
为什么你就不能顾及我的感受？
我在强忍泪水的时候，你总是认为我是在硬挤泪水。。
第一次，我觉得累了T.T
我的心在流泪，你永远都不会知道。。

Friendship

Change my mine again. I know it will not be a easy assignment, but I will try my best. Not only because of wish to have one more friend, it also because I know my dear will be more happy if I do so, and everyone will be happy.

I had step out the first step, it is a good beginning, I wish this will be continue and I will prove that I can do it. Thank you of my friend who had believed on me, I am sure I can do it because I am LinMing. Just do it and Prove It to yourself!!

Pre-Registration

Again, every sem's pre-registration is coming. The first thing I do is to check if we can in the same class for the last same subject that we have in our Uni life. It is so happy when I saw there is 3sections we can enter for this subject. But the most preferable time is Thursday, cause I don't have class on Monday.

The next day, when I telling him to register for Section2, then only I know I am the one who syok sendiri, he don't think to be same class with me if he need to change section.

Since he don't wish to change his mind, I don't want to force him also, cause I know nothing will change even if I force him, so I think of changing my mind.

This sem almost ended, think of going somewhere with him before final exam start, at least two days, but when only we have the time?

Bad Performance~~

Monday management presentation reallya bad presentation. It not only spoiled my mood, it also make me feels so sorry to him. Lose face in front of him and lost his face. No doubt, I still need more practise. Wish me all the best for coming Microe Presentation~~
Really so my dear:(

Stupid

I know I am stupid, but I just wish to give myself a chance.
Make a decision: Give her 5 chance to hurt me.

First time: Laugh me inside the class.
Second time: Not only using me to let mother and boyfriend allow you to work at Penang but also do not keep the promise. You are the person who ask me to help you keep the secret, don't tell others that you will work at Penang, but the next day, you post it at Facebook and show off inside the class. Seriously I feels like you are betraying me.
Three more chances...

I Know

Suddenly he decided not to join our GOP to Australia but joined Cyrus to Taiwan. Again, my wish to travel together is gone. When the first time he say he want join us, I really very happy and try hard to get the permission from my course mate so that he can join us. At first it was rejected by my course mate and I don’t know how to tell him scare he will sad. In the end when my course mates accepted him but he going to reject us. I understand the reason he reject so I also don’t want argue with him, just felt disappointed.


And now he want join Cyrus to Taiwan. I not really happy with that, but again I know there is no point to voice out such stupid thinking. It’s his freedom. Have an idea to join Cyrus one, so that we can go together. But I really wish to go Australia, at the same time he never asks me to go together with him. Maybe he knows that I wish to go Australia so doesn’t want to destroy my plan or maybe he wishes to have some personal time.

Internship, I know he would like to stay at KL, I know he would like to do his intern at company that he like, I know GE is more suitable than Intel, I know he will never go to Penang because of me, I know he will never accompany me go to Penang although he know I needs to travel all the way to Penang alone and I also know he will never know what am I worry about. I know all of these facts, so I believe that he will make a wise decision. As for the good of his future, I will encourage him to go GE, I don’t want be so selfish ask him to go Intel just to fulfil my desire although Intel also a good company.

Get to know most of the people are going to work at KL, envy with them. Because I am sure that they will meet up during weekends. But nothing I can do, staying alone in Penang, although there’s many other colleagues but I know he don’t like me to be too close with them. Without boyfriend, friends and most important things is without WIFI. How I survive in such situation? Countdown 55days.

What the ****

为什么这个世界上会有这样的人？都已经分手六年了，为什么还是不肯离开我的世界？N年前，给他骂了一次还不够吗？那时候不就说好了再也不联络了不再有任何联系了吗？可为什么你不守承诺？而且还要涉及我的家人？


老天爷，我只是当年踏错一步而已，做了一次傻事，后来我已经知错了，也得到了惩罚，可为什么你还要这样对我呢？

那天听到他结婚的消息还心想一切的一切真的都结束了。可为什么事实不是那样？为什么他们吵架要特地大老远驾车到我家门前吵？左邻右舍还以为我是介入他们婚姻的第三者。我在N年前就已经不再和他有任何瓜葛了，为什么他们还是不要放过我？是我当年处理得不当吗？是我的错吗？我应该再次出面处理这件事吗？如果再这样下去的话，我真的不知道会发生什么事，我真的很担心。可是我真的不想再见到这个人，不过我也不想他们去打扰我家人。就快疯掉了！

很想跟他诉苦，可是见他最近已经够烦了，而且他说他很想一个星期不要烦东西和这关系着我和前前男友的事，不知他是否会介意，所以多一事不如少一事。可是我到底该怎么解决这件事呢？有谁可以帮我出面，求求他不要再把我牵涉进他的生活了好吗？不要再提以前的事了好吗？算我求求你了T.T

我的问题

在八个小时后的旅程，终于爸爸把车驾到UTM了。大老远来到Johor，都没说两句话就走了。说真的，那个时候真的还有点生气他，如果不是他不愿意陪我，那我就可以和爸妈相聚更久的时间了。

星期五早上看到他穿半formal，一度认为他会陪我去见爸妈，原来我想多了，他只是为了他的Aiesec准备突如齐来的Appointment。对他那么有信心，结果他还是让我失望了。

这次明明就很简单，不用去我家，就那几个小时，真的那么难吗？为什么他就是不珍惜眼前的机会？爸妈也以为那天他会出现的，结果却看到我一个人大老远拿着大书包走着来。本来还以为他没陪我回家的坏印象可以在他陪我去见爸妈后改变的，谁知道结果竟然是这样。

从来爸妈都不曾承认我有男友的事实，真的很难的这次他们可以接受我有男友的事实，可是他却让机会一次又一次的流逝。
爸爸的一句：
“叫你朋友载你来找我们。”
让我不知所措，不知道怎样告诉爸爸他不愿意见他们。

再来妈妈的一句：
“为什么你朋友这样，没有陪你？”
让我开始害怕了。

或许是我想太远了吧，一直都把他认定是终生伴侣，所以希望能够早点得到爸妈的认同。
当初他告诉过我他还没准备好，我们也为此事吵了几次架。而那时我也明白他的感受。
可现在不是过了很久了吗？都一起一年多了，我还以为是时候了呢，原来他并没有这个想法吧。他还是抗拒和我家人见面。

或许吧，就好像他说的，如果我家人问他：“为什么要跟这么丑的我在一起？”他不会回答。同样的，不能带我回他家也是因为这个原因。所以说到底还是我的错，我不会责怪他，因为就连我自己都觉得自己很丑。这样丑的女人怎么可以带回家。
丑、丑、丑！！

每次都告诉他，我会好的，给我时间，可是事实证明时间也是无法改变一切，我还是个丑女人。就算我对他千依百顺，最终问题还是会因为我的痘痘而出现T_T

为了痘痘，什么方法都试过了，但是却还是失望而归。感觉自己好像骗了他一年多了，我知道他愿意等，但要等到什么时候呢？我已经没有信心说它会好的了。很累，真的很累了。。。

Selfish daughter + Good daddy

Feels like I am such a failure person. Can't find anyone to accompany me back home and drive the car here even my boyfriend, he rather go member's day also don't want accompany me back home.

But I won't blame him, because that's not his responsible and it's really a long journey. I always try hard to let my parents have a good impression on him, but I know this time was give a bad impression to my parents.

What to say, just can blame on myself why I am so dependent and make my father not allow me to drive here alone. Finally my father have to help me drive car here.

Happy because I have a good daddy, but at the same time feels guilty, because it will be a long journey and my daddy will not feeling well when he sit in bus, plus he needs to back home alone :(

Why I am so bad? Daddy already prepared the car, but I can't go back and take it myself.

A selfish daughter :(

Nothing

Feels like nothing to do these few day, don't know what to do inside the room. Everyday online, sleep and eat only. Don't like such life.

Finally new car is come to my home already. But nobody want to accompany me back home drive here. Is it I really need to back home and drive here alone? Ask him for many times already, but he din give me any response, I know, maybe he still not prepare to meet my family yet. I don't want to force him.

Final exam time table was came out, not really like the time table, hopefully it can be change. Really need some time to prepare before start the industry training. Another thing is because his final until 9 of May only, what a big gap.

Still thinking if I want to stay together with them or not. Maybe I will be the only gal who stay with them, feels like not that good from his point of view. Sometime will feels like a bit regret to apply Intel. Because I know I will be very stress when they become my colleagues since they are really geng!! But sometime I will think in another way. One of the reason I choose SEW is because I wish to work at Intel for a long time. I should not give up this opportunity to make my dream come true, although it is just internship. Finally, I had decided, since I already got the offer from them, then I just try to do my best, it is no point for me to think of regret.

Don't know if he will get Intel or not.
But I think he not really like to go Intel, because it is quite far away from his home.

Suddenly feels like actually I am quite independent. Although I am came from Perak, but I was leave my home since 17years old. I know, everything were changed in the moment that I decided to go Nasional Service at Kelantan for 3months. If not because of this reason, I think I don't dare to go KL for 3years, and come to Johor for another 3years. And now I am going to Penang 10weeks for internship. The next is I wish I can go travel out of Malaysia. Hope this dream will come true very soon :)