Recently feel like very sad once I am alone. Maybe more accurate is when he is not beside me. Going for the class with a bad mood, crying alone in the toilet, I really don’t know why this will happened on me, is it I am too stress or what? But why once I saw him my mood will become good? When facing others, I even don’t know how to smile, but once I met him, I will be happy, at least can saw my smile. Like today, walking around at FKE for about one hour, I don’t know where should I go and finally I walked to P16 and find him although that time his class still haven’t finished, I just hope that I can see him as early as possible.
Feel like everyone around me are pretending themselves, even someone close to me also the same, the only person I can trust is him. Seriously I don’t like this kind of situation, but I think this is life, everyone is selfish. I always convince people to voice out the truth even it will hurt others, but I can’t do it myself. Yup, I am bu shuang with her during lab, she choose to do something that she like to do, and keep something she dislike to others then she just keep on chatting with someone else besides. Why she never think that those things she like people may interested also and those things she don’t like people also don’t like to do. We are one group, why can’t you think of others? That’s why I don’t like to talk much with her recently ba.
I really don’t know how to pretending myself when I dislike the person. I think in this situation, I really not that pro if compare to them. Behind the person can keep on saying their bad thing, but in front of the person can be very good with the person. Why they can act in two faces? Should I learn from them? Suddenly feel like I am lost in my life. I don’t know how to control my feeling in front of others, tears much easier to drop down. I think I will fail in my life soon.
The only thing in my brain is him. Every time going out with him I will stay happy, once leave him I will become so sad. I need a big hug from him, but he never gives it. Maybe in front of him I always like a happy gal, so he never realise that I am sad actually. But I don’t dare to tell him all this things, I scare will spoil his mood, I just hope he will always stay happy. This is me, always want people do something, but I am the one who can’t achieve it.
Two more days, holiday will start soon and he will leave me and back to KL. For the coming two weeks I will be alone, this is what I have chosen, I chose to stay here, my choice, can’t blame anyone and I also won’t ask him to stay here accompany me although sometime I will say like that, but it is actually just a joking. I know he is already long time didn’t go back to his home, he is missing his home and I believe his mother also miss her son so much. From the starting I already know this is a difficult way to go, but I choose to believe, I believe miracle will happen, but I don’t know when is the day, and also I not sure I will maintain until the day come or not, but at least I try already.
I will try to find back the normal me…
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