当我心情不好时

当我心情不好时，我就只会来这里倾诉。
身为他的女友，
他从来不打电话给我也就算了，
他不让我每天打电话给他也就算了，
他说他在楼下不能接我电话也就算了，
他说他睡着了没听到我的电话也就算了，
怎知道原来连他在外面和别人在一起也不能接我电话告诉我他不得空听电话。
原来在他心目中我是那么的渺小，就连短短的五分钟都不肯给我。

我生气我自己，
为什么总是喜欢和他聊天，
为什么总是要打电话给他，
为什么总是无时无刻的想念他，
为什么总是不敢和他说出心里话，
为什么总是那么的爱他。

我到底该怎么做？
一直说要改变，
却怎么都改变不了，
或许我的耐心真的因他而增加了吧。

Internship 4

Comes to the end of second week of internship. Getting more and more knowledge within this week. I wish I could learned more than what I had expected.

Today got meeting with buddy, and he talk more about what I will do during this internship and what they will do in this team. His explanation make me feels interested to joined this team in the future. Those things that related to microprocessor and programming really attract me.

Maybe as a senior engineer, they like to treat new comer like me by giving me some simple explanation, then when I understand what he talk about he will keep praising me. Maybe this is the way he attract me to joined this team. If this is the purpose, then he did it. I really start attracted to this team. Another reason maybe he  don't know what I had learn in Uni, so he start from simple one. But this possibility is quite low since he also graduated from UTM.

Praise from him actually make me feels guilty, because sometime I really don't think that I know a lot of things and again my English make me feels down again, I cant even communicate well with him for only half an hour. As he says, local student always don't dare to ask. I know if he allow me to ask in Mandarin, then I will have a lot of questions, but it needs to be in English, so I prefer to search it by google.

This few days always wish to talk with my dear, but he is always did not answer my call. As he told me before, he not always bring his phone along, so can't answer my call. I understand the situation, I also keep on telling myself don't call him, but end up I can't control myself and in the end feels disappointed when he din pick up my call:(

Just wish to hear from him when I wish to hear his sound, but my wish is always cannot comes true. On the other hand, my call maybe was make him feels 烦. I know I shouldn't call him again, but I also know at this moment I still haven't success to control myself in calling him:(

Sorry for disturbing.

Internship 3

Finally there’s something for me to do in office. Learn another new useful programming language- PERL except from UNIX operating system. Although all those commands are quite difficult to remember, but I am quite interested in learning all those things. Wish I really can get more knowledge in this internship.

Yesterday he replies me a short message with only good night, feels like he is not happy yesterday. But I don't know what happen, think of asking him, but I am sure that he won’t tell me he is not happy although he really not happy.

Think of give him a call, but I don't know if he wish to hear from me or not. Because that day when I call him, feels like he don't wanna talk for long time. Maybe because of his mother is beside him ba. I don't know when suitable time:(

Last week everyday also got messgae him, don't know he will feel frustrated or not, not really dare to sms him, but I really miss him so much..

♥I LOVE You, My Dear♥

Internship 2

First week of LI was ended. Feels like doing nothing on this week, haven't get my pc yet, many things still can't settle. Currently in the learning stage of Perl Language and Unix. Seems like not easy to learn, but quite interested to learn new programming language. Hopefully I can get PC very soon and can start write program.

Due to the reason that I still haven't get my PC yet, so I cant get to updated my bank account, this was cause my next month salary cant be paid on time. It's time to save money. Luckily here food is cheaper than Johor. Can save some money if I everyday only eat vegetables to cover the petrol and parking money.

At first thought no need drive to work everyday, now not only everyday need to drive to work, sometime night also need to fetch them go out for dinner. Petrol fee need to pay by myself, parking fee also need to pay by myself.

I know he is unhappy that I fetch them to work and dinner, but what to do, they say want to sit my car impossible for me to say no. Dinner time, they ask me to drive again and I also don't know how to reject them. Luckily the distance to working place and dinner place is not that far away from my apartment. But Penang people driving skills really terrible, I let them scare many times already:(

Just one week time, I already feels tired, not because of the work, but because of someone. Really don't like the situation that listen to 碎碎念especially when his mood not good, I am just a housemate, why I need to see his face. I think this is the only things that I don't like in Penang except from Penang's driver is terrible.

Wish to listen my dear sound to calm me down, but I don't dare to do so, because I had promised him.

Interns in Penang1

Finally I have to go Penang for my internship. Not really like the place here, people here driving very terrible, I already not the first time almost accident. Every time when I drive also scare, especially when I am not really sure which road I should enter.

Although it is just less than one week time did not meet with you, I already miss you so much, I think I already kena your poison:) But I don’t dare to tell you. I think your work must be very stress and not that easy. Don’t want to increase your burden, so I started to pretend I enjoy the life here. Actually I am not at all, maybe after a few weeks, things will change, but definitely not now.

I am trying my best to enjoy my life here. Start to google map, try to get to know every interested places, so that I can give him a nice trip in Penang. Although I not sure if he will come to find me, but I think I better prepare umbrella before rain. Who knows he will come to find me after his internship.

Drive without you, I lost some 安全感。 Life without you, I lost myself.

一个人

一个人面对着这前所未有的压力，原来不容易。T.T

本以为自己一个人可以的，都忍了近两个星期，为什么却不能多忍两天？再过两天他就回家了，他永远都不会知道。明知道让他知道只会多一个人烦恼，我真的很没用，还是忍不住告诉了他，增加了他的烦恼。

我很清楚的知道那是我的责任，如果不是我这事就不会发生，就好像那天他说的那样，是我逼他的。

既然是我的责任，这是就让我自己来承担吧。

在我告知他的第二天，一切都成为过去式了。
这两个星期，虽然总是活在害怕的日子里，但这一路走来经历了很多，让我明白了很多东西，了解了很多东西。有些东西，勉强是没有幸福的。