Disappointed

suddenly feel like dont want sign in to fb again!!!
Everytime sign in sure will saw something make me think a lot...
dono what they say about,
dono who they say about,
make me 对号入座...
but i really dono what i had done,
make them hate me,
make them don want talk with me...
suddenly feel everyone in this world very fake...
i cant understand what yours mind...
really cant...
disappointed with this world...

过去

我是一个有过去的人，
这是个不能改变的事实。
我能做的就只是让它成为过去。

我努力的改变自己，
我努力的改变形象，
为的就是不希望再次看到从前的自己，
虽然有时很难，
但我总是告诉自己：“人生有谁无过，重要的是改过自新。”

不知道你想不想知道我的过去，
不知道你想不想了解我的过去，
很想对你说，但害怕你认为不说会更好;
很想隐瞒你，但害怕你生气我不告诉你。
说还是不说，真的很难抉择。

有时我也希望初恋可以永久，
但总是事与愿违，
第一个，我知错了，所以放弃了他；
第二个，不知怎的，他放弃了我。
昨天，你说你有那么一点点地介意，
这是在预料之中的事，
可是我忘了问你介意些什么，
后来想想，就算真的问到了你介意些什么，
我能做些什么吗？
一些都成了往事，
我不能改变些什么。。。
希望你真的能够看开点咯。。。

The teammate

today my mood not really good...
start thinking that maybe i choose wrong course again...
or i should say maybe i had do a wrong decision to come here...

i really dono how to communicate with both of them...
first time cooperate with them,
already have some problem...
a lot complaint...
want to finished everything very fast...
no....
that's not my style!!!
i like last minutes work!!!

i cant cooperate with them...
now only i know the feeling...
what can i do??
3years time...
how to past it?
i will become crazy if continue like that...

i try to telling myself do not care about what they say what they do...
but sometime i cant,
i do care it!!!
who can help me??
nobody...

The day i wait for long time...

i thought it's no hope already,
i thought he will never fall in love on me...
but...
at the time i wanna give up,
he give me a hope,
what i thought is all wrong!!!
he has feeling throughout me tooooo...
finally,we start a relation.

maybe this relation will make someone getting hurt,
but i cant do anything,
just can say sorry to her...
i am not purposely fall in love to the same person you love...

i dono how long this relation will be,
but i will try my best to maintain this relation...
i will try my best not to jealous too frequent....
i will try my best not too rely on you...
i will try my best to give you your spaces....
i will try anything tat i can do...

but sometime i need some encourage from you...
sometime i need something called "安全感" from you...

290809
the day i wait for a long time!!!

thanks for giving you and me a chance.........
i will appreciate this chance....

Why am i here?

finally i decide to come,
dont no why?
maybe just because i don wan to stay at home;
maybe just because i wan to meet him;
maybe just because i wan to find a boy friend here;
maybe and hopefully is cause i want to finished my degree here..

start class two days already,
still dono what i doing now,
all calculas thing was forgot,
dono how to survive this new life.

getting to know some new friends new course mate,
getting to know how large utm skudai is,
getting to know what subject i will taken within this three years.

last time he promise will treat me more good,
but it seems like the same,
cause now we are different section already,
cant meet everyday,
cant eating together everyday like last time...

plan to stop sms with him,
just do it for two days,
i know i need a new life,
i cant rely on him anymore,
but,when only i can do it???

我的心好痛

我的心好痛好痛，
为什么他总是可以这样对我？
而我却可以一次又一次的当做没事发生？
现在看会那些短信，
我才发现一直以来都是自己一厢情愿，
对他的好，
他从来都没有放在心上过。

从一开始很单纯的心，
我从来没想过自己会被他伤害，
我以为我们只是朋友，
我以为我们不会发展，
我更以为自己不会对他动心。

但是这几天发生的事，
让我开始怀疑自己的心了，
为什么当他叫我去做别人的车时我会伤心，失望？
为什么当他说了一句我们没有关系时我的心会痛？
为什么当他说了一句明天我不要载你的时候我又会伤心？
为什么当他说了一句以后不要再说这句话后我从此就不再说那句话？
为什么当他没心情的时候我会忍不住想安慰他？
为什么当他说他会去那晚餐的时候我又再次的伤心？
为什么当他说要载我出去的时候我会如此的高兴？明明就那十分钟车程。
为什么当他帮我选号码的时候我会很开心？
为什么当我们俩单独出去的时候我心情就很好？
为什么我的心情完完全全的被他影响着？
为什么我会时时刻刻的想念着他？
为什么？为什么？为什么？
我不想爱上一个不爱我的人！
最后受伤的将会是我自己！！！

最后两天了，
我还在期待些什么？
期待他会送我回去？
期待和他一起？
别再妄想了，
你没有继续升学，
不只放弃了学业，
也放弃了寻找大学生男友的梦想了！！！

if you know you cant see that person again,will you be his girl friend?
someone ask me this question,
dono how to answer him.
but if this happen on me,
and both of us loving each others,
then i will accept it...
i will trying my best to remain a "long distance love"

everyone think it is difficult to remain a long distance love,
but for me,
that is no problem with it...
the problem is only maybe the guy have a problem with that...

i dono how to describe our relationship,
both of us go for movie,
he treat me for a movie;
i called him for one and a half hour during his birthday,
he called me back one hour,
that is the first time he talk through call for about 2hour,
his record only half an hour;
he accompany me to find my brother,
but he din't help me take the laptop,
then we go for movie again;
sometime he will give me a kiss symbol through sms,
sometime i called him as dear.
i felt sad and hurt when he talk or sms with the gal who love him,
i felt angry when he ask me to sit other's car just cause the gal want to sit his car;
he say he got no feeling throughout her,
but sometime i feel that he had,
maybe he din't realise...

i want to end this game,
i scared a cant control myself,
i am the person who start this game,
so now is the time to finished it by myself...

i will not go skudai to futher my studies,
he will go UM,
i cant fall in love on him!!
please control your feeling!
STOP IT!

diploma life

finally finished my diploma life...

don't what's next..

where should i go...

probably will back, and wont come again...

countdown 40days

Just left 40days,
i will finished my final and going to graduate,
after that all people will separate,
maybe after two months will seeing each other again,
but who know,
maybe something happen and make someone disappear,
and can't see him or her anymore.

i don't know whether i will exist in utm skudai or not,
therefore i hope to give you all a good impression before graduate,
so i am trying my best not to do something that you all don't like.

the problem occurs,
How can i determine whether you all are kidding or seriously?
can i take everything you all say to me seriously,
if like that will you say cant make a joke with me?
what can i do?

that day you say maybe someday you will fight me back.
even your sound look like joking,
but after i think it back,
i realize it maybe not a joke while is a alert to me don't play you anymore,
so it remind myself everyday,
DON'T PLAY YOU ANYMORE!!!

during control system test,
you all have heard something from me,
but none of you told me that,
i get it from other,
i know you all sure feel me is a weird gal,
so i try to change it again.

why i need to change because of something that you all said?
just want to give a good impression for you all?
is it valuable?
you all will appreciate?

my finally decision

Finally i make my decision already

Pilihan 1	-	TK05 KEJURUTERAAN (ELEKTRONIK - MICROELEKTRONIK)
Pilihan 2	-	TK25 KEJURUTERAAN (ELEKTRIK - TELEKOMUNIKASI)
Pilihan 3	-	TK22 KEJURUTERAAN (ELEKTRIK - KAWALAN & INSTRUMENTASI)
Pilihan 4	-	MK11 KEJURUTERAAN (TELEKOMUNIKASI)
Pilihan 5	-	TK20 KEJURUTERAAN (KOMPUTER)
Pilihan 6	-	TK23 KEJURUTERAAN (ELEKTRIK)
Pilihan 7	-	TK02 KEJURUTERAAN (ELEKTRIK - ELEKTRONIK)
Pilihan 8	-	TK24 KEJURUTERAAN (ELEKTRIK - MEKATRONIK)

all course is offer by UTM except for choice 4 is from UM.
i dono whether my decision is correct or not,
but what i can do is just send my application.
just wait whether can get into UTM or not,
if i dint get it,
then it is easy just back to helping in shop.
if i get it,
then i just thking whether go or not.
once i send all the cert,
then i cant regret anymore...
just waiting...

Accost

today,i took bus at 7.45am,
went yayasan selangor.
my bus come around 8am,
so i just go into bus,
then all people also come into bus,
suddenly one international student seat beside me,
then i got a bit scare,
scare he will talk with me.

Haiz,in my prediction,
he really talk with me!!
after chat with him,
i just really how poor my English is,
i cant heard what he said clearly,
he needs to repeat so many times,
sometimes need to use spelling!!!

haha,
dono is he want to accost me,
or i think too much,
he always told me he like to talk with Chinese,
get my phone number,
said if i needs someone to improve my english,
i can find him call or sms also can...

When the bus going to reach campus,
he said he is very interesting with me,
maybe got others meaning,
but i wont think too much lor...
especially he is come from others country,
and maybe he is Islam...

From now on,
i really needs to play hard with my english,
i know many thing cant do if my english is that poor!!!
Maybe needs to find someone to talk english with me...
Add oil ya!!!!
I can do it!!

Enjoying

CNY is coming,
planning to goin bac home on sunday which is 25 of Jan.
My U start holiday from 23 of Jan,
but i am very selfish because lazy to look up the shop,
so stay two days more in KSJ.

Now is oledi 3rd weeks,
but we still no mood for study,
everyday just talking nonsense,
i also dono what is the meaning of this life.

i back in kl last week,
monday-we go time square and sg.wang
tuesday-talking nonsense at 2.80
wednesday-watching drama
thursday until sunday-watching drama
today-go wangsa having our dinner again.
Everyday planning where to go,
this weekend maybe go play again.

Izzit must go play before we graduate?
Izzit this all are just normal thg?
Haiz...i also dono we do like this right or not.
But i know one thg is after CNY we have no time to play anymore,
so,must appreciate the time we have now.
after CNY will have a lot of test,assignment,quiz...

ENJOY LEFT TWO WEEKS!!!

what i want?

Now is the time for us to apply for degree,
everybody busy with all application for local and scholarship,
i still don't know where should i go after this,
sometime will hope can go for further study,
but sometime feel it is useless,
study so hard just want to get the cert only,
that cert is it really that important?
i really not sure.

Applying local U?
yes,i will apply it first,
but go or not,
decide after i really get an offer..

They all busy to apply all scholarship,
but i not that excited to apply,
first of all,
it is cause my i scare bout interview,
second,my MUET is just band 3,
not eligible to apply some scholarship,
so i just give up to apply scholarship.

Toady just knew that i can apply for pendidikan also,
but it's need interview before they offer you.
haiz,interview again!!!
i really dont know how to interview....
if like that how can i could be a teacher?

Suddenly dont know what i want to be actually,
got some heart plan to go back hometown,
help for own business....
but,i scare it will be a boring life,
sumore i still single,
if just stay at hometown to work,
maybe i cant get my Mr.Right...
confusing....