I am wonder why i am still the same, always think something bad.
Yesterday, try to chat with her de, but in the end i am sad after chat with her. Feel like she is always say something to 讽刺me, i really dono how to communicate with her.
Don't dare to tell him this, because i know he will feel 难为again.
Yesterday night had a nightmare again, she find pasal with me again until i can't control myself and quarrel with her.. How come i will have such dream?? When only i can over come this problem?
Really feel so sorry to him, always promise him i will change, but until now i still cant accept her and sometime think something non-sense..
What can i do to change my mind??
Decided to overnight at my friend's house before meet with him on Sunday, my friend also feel so weird why i don't want stay at his house then next day can straight away back together, why need to be so ma fan. At that moment, i actually don't know how to answer them, because they will never know that i cannot go his house, they don't know in his side, we are still underground.
How good if i am from Ipoh or somewhere near to KL, so that i no need ma fan my friend and also can back together with him.
I hope he will understand, although now the situation become i follow him because of her, but at first i say want to follow it's because i will worry of him if he back alone de. In the morning i am thinking to ask him find anyone of his friend to follow him back except her, but he told me she want follow before i told him that.
One wish for Birthday and New Year: i hope he will answer his mother like this if his mother asking him who follow his car back:" My Girl Friend will follow me back UTM."
How good if he can do this as a gift for my birthday~~
But i think he will never know this is what i wish him to do for me at this moment..
Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
勇敢和独立
一直以来，我都让人觉得我是个独立的人，不管去哪里，不管什么事，我总会自行解决。这些人，包括我的家人，朋友，就连我亲爱的他也是这么认为。
Youth Challenge结束了，不知道为什么明明可以直接回家的，但我却选择了先去KL再转车回家。为的应该还是同样的东西，失望了这么多次我还是一样继续给自己希望，希望奇迹会出现。但等待了三个小时，始终奇迹还是没有出现，我还是一个人踏上回家之路。
回到家的我，整理了自己的情绪，再次期待奇迹的出现。
不管还要等多久，不管还要经历多少次的失望，我还是一样不会放弃。
因为我相信终有一天奇迹会发生。。
Youth Challenge结束了，不知道为什么明明可以直接回家的，但我却选择了先去KL再转车回家。为的应该还是同样的东西，失望了这么多次我还是一样继续给自己希望，希望奇迹会出现。但等待了三个小时，始终奇迹还是没有出现，我还是一个人踏上回家之路。
回到家的我，整理了自己的情绪，再次期待奇迹的出现。
不管还要等多久，不管还要经历多少次的失望，我还是一样不会放弃。
因为我相信终有一天奇迹会发生。。
Friday, December 10, 2010
又是痘痘惹的祸
我不提，你不问，就这样，我们再一次浪费了见面的机会。
明知道那不可能的，
可我还是希望他可以问我，
又一次，
期望越大，失望越大。
我知道，是我的问题，如果不是因为我脸上的痘痘，我想事情就不会那么不顺利了吧？
痘痘，为什么你总是缠着我不放？
都已经一年多了，求求你离开我好吗？
明知道那不可能的，
可我还是希望他可以问我，
又一次，
期望越大，失望越大。
我知道，是我的问题，如果不是因为我脸上的痘痘，我想事情就不会那么不顺利了吧？
痘痘，为什么你总是缠着我不放？
都已经一年多了，求求你离开我好吗？
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Youth Challenge
Three days to go, Youth Challenge is coming. At first, i am quite excited to joined this program, but when the time is coming espeacially when i read the program flow, i start to scare. Really scare.. For the promote part i don't think i have a problem, but for the indoor part, i am seriouly scare of it. I think for the indoor will be something like presentation OMG!! I really scare of presentation ah, i don't know how to present myself, present out what i want to present. Although it is already fourth year i entered Uni, but i still can't overcome this problem, scare to talk in front of people. Who can make me more confident? Save me~~
Wish to share my problem with him, but the only time we message is 11something, that time i already cant tell him my matter, because it needs a long time, if i tell him that time, then he can't sleep on time. The only thing we talk always what you do now and so on. Every time when i want to message him, need to think twice. Every time when i take up my phone, type in his phone number and press call key, i will press end call before the line connected.
Who else i can find?? Nobody, emo again..
Wish to share my problem with him, but the only time we message is 11something, that time i already cant tell him my matter, because it needs a long time, if i tell him that time, then he can't sleep on time. The only thing we talk always what you do now and so on. Every time when i want to message him, need to think twice. Every time when i take up my phone, type in his phone number and press call key, i will press end call before the line connected.
Who else i can find?? Nobody, emo again..
Monday, December 6, 2010
First day of my holiday
Today is the first day i back in home. Go to shop at 11am and start working until 11pm. Although it is a long working hour, but actually i do enjoy it and i am so happy today.
First of all, when i stand on the weight scales, i am 48kg, it is 2kg less already, happy la.. Although haven't reached what he require, but i will continue until i reached his target--45kg~~
Second, today got many customer said that i was became very slim, is VERY oh... Haha, super happy la, that's means i had success half way already. What i saw in the morning is a truth, my weight really reduce jor.. But until today he still haven't say i am slim la, maybe haven't reached his target yet..
Third, today is Sunday, his mother no work and i success to control myself not sms him until i back from working. Yes, i can do it~~
Fourth, my mother saw the picture that we took together, and ask if he is my boyfriend again, i admit and then she ask me where is he come from, after that din ask anymore. That's means she accept he as my boyfriend?? Hopefully lar~~
First of all, when i stand on the weight scales, i am 48kg, it is 2kg less already, happy la.. Although haven't reached what he require, but i will continue until i reached his target--45kg~~
Second, today got many customer said that i was became very slim, is VERY oh... Haha, super happy la, that's means i had success half way already. What i saw in the morning is a truth, my weight really reduce jor.. But until today he still haven't say i am slim la, maybe haven't reached his target yet..
Third, today is Sunday, his mother no work and i success to control myself not sms him until i back from working. Yes, i can do it~~
Fourth, my mother saw the picture that we took together, and ask if he is my boyfriend again, i admit and then she ask me where is he come from, after that din ask anymore. That's means she accept he as my boyfriend?? Hopefully lar~~
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Genting Trip
Comes to the end of genting trip and i am home now.
2 December 2010
Depart to KL once i finished my last paper, about 3.30pm we arrived in KL but we can't find the way to go Gombak. And he was angry because i said something wrong, luckilyhe dint angry for a long time.
About 6pm, we safely arrived in Genting. First night, we walking around casino, i make a World Card but we din bet. 11pm back to room and play UNO until 1am something only go sleep.
3 December 2010
Wake up at 9am, then go out around 10am. After breakfast we are going to Theme Park. This is the first time we go Theme Park together, only both of us, i do enjoy it, i hope he had the same feeling. Playing there for a whole day until 5pm, we almost finished all game including including space shot and all the roller coaster. At 6pm, after sending Sze Hue to skyway, we go to Taman Cendawan have our dinner. Don't know i am lucky or unlucky, lost my handphone ut finally found it back at the van. Thanks God..
In the night, after rest in the hotel, we go out again at 8.30pm. We go to Casino, we decided to changed RM 100 to bet. At first we almost lost all the chips, but after few times we get back our chips and earn RM 10 then he stop me to continue. So we have a rest, but after that i try to bet again, and finally i lost all of the the chips, that means i lost RM 100 :( so sad and regret, if i din continue bet then we wont lost money. Since i am the one who bet, so finally i decided to return him RM 50, i dont want him lost money.
That night, we had a small quarrel, he go to sleep without inform me, i really don't like that, so angry with him and walk back to my own room. But the next day we have nothing anymore, sms him once i wake up, and he did not angry also. 1pm, we go down by skyway and bought 2.45pm bus ticket, i was cried when we are waiting bus. Cry because i know we need to leave each other for one month already, i am really sad. But in the end, i realise he is sad because i am cry, so i din cry anymore and pretend i am happy. Finally we end this trip with a happy ending.
3.30pm, we arrived at Gombak again and straight away drive back to KTM, this time i did not show him i am 不舍得，because i know he will sad if i don't wanna leave. When i told him my feeling that every time when he leave me alone back home, i feel like he is so guilty. So this time, 我很潇洒的在他面前消失。So that he will not feel guilty because leave me alone. Although i am really sad. Especially when i realize there's no STAR available at KL central, i am really helpless, don't know what to do there :( Almost cry inside the STAR when i know that i had take a long way to arrived Bukit Jalil. I think i should not let him know this, in his eyes, i am strong girl, i should be continue become strong in front of him :)
Get a lesson: " must have a good planning no matter what you want to do. " Remember, Kepong- Bandar Tasik Selatan, changed STAR to Bukit Jalil, don't go to KL central anymore!!
2 December 2010
Depart to KL once i finished my last paper, about 3.30pm we arrived in KL but we can't find the way to go Gombak. And he was angry because i said something wrong, luckilyhe dint angry for a long time.
About 6pm, we safely arrived in Genting. First night, we walking around casino, i make a World Card but we din bet. 11pm back to room and play UNO until 1am something only go sleep.
3 December 2010
Wake up at 9am, then go out around 10am. After breakfast we are going to Theme Park. This is the first time we go Theme Park together, only both of us, i do enjoy it, i hope he had the same feeling. Playing there for a whole day until 5pm, we almost finished all game including including space shot and all the roller coaster. At 6pm, after sending Sze Hue to skyway, we go to Taman Cendawan have our dinner. Don't know i am lucky or unlucky, lost my handphone ut finally found it back at the van. Thanks God..
In the night, after rest in the hotel, we go out again at 8.30pm. We go to Casino, we decided to changed RM 100 to bet. At first we almost lost all the chips, but after few times we get back our chips and earn RM 10 then he stop me to continue. So we have a rest, but after that i try to bet again, and finally i lost all of the the chips, that means i lost RM 100 :( so sad and regret, if i din continue bet then we wont lost money. Since i am the one who bet, so finally i decided to return him RM 50, i dont want him lost money.
That night, we had a small quarrel, he go to sleep without inform me, i really don't like that, so angry with him and walk back to my own room. But the next day we have nothing anymore, sms him once i wake up, and he did not angry also. 1pm, we go down by skyway and bought 2.45pm bus ticket, i was cried when we are waiting bus. Cry because i know we need to leave each other for one month already, i am really sad. But in the end, i realise he is sad because i am cry, so i din cry anymore and pretend i am happy. Finally we end this trip with a happy ending.
3.30pm, we arrived at Gombak again and straight away drive back to KTM, this time i did not show him i am 不舍得，because i know he will sad if i don't wanna leave. When i told him my feeling that every time when he leave me alone back home, i feel like he is so guilty. So this time, 我很潇洒的在他面前消失。So that he will not feel guilty because leave me alone. Although i am really sad. Especially when i realize there's no STAR available at KL central, i am really helpless, don't know what to do there :( Almost cry inside the STAR when i know that i had take a long way to arrived Bukit Jalil. I think i should not let him know this, in his eyes, i am strong girl, i should be continue become strong in front of him :)
Get a lesson: " must have a good planning no matter what you want to do. " Remember, Kepong- Bandar Tasik Selatan, changed STAR to Bukit Jalil, don't go to KL central anymore!!
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