Emotional

Today's mood changed many times.
Wake up in the morning, think of the dream, i wonder why i will dream of such thing, i am scare and wish it's only a dream. In the dream, she beg me to let him go. She love him so much and i am the person who grab him from her. I'm think of this problem again for a day and i get an answer. No, i am not!!

Today when i wake up, i feel like my face was became more serious, i feel myself is very very ugly today!! I am angry, feel like being cheated by the facial shop, they also promise me will recover, but it is already more than 2months, it's seems like nothing different with last time, maybe worst than last time. Again, i am sad.

Afternoon, waiting bus to go out, i don't know why today i will refuse to sit their car. I can't find a reason, i hate myself, why i suddenly don't like to talk with her. I always thought she is my best friend in Uni life, but i realize it's not a truth.

After lunch, not feeling well, sleep for 2hours. I hope sleeping will make myself stop thinking. Yes, it is effective, but only for 2 hours. After wake up think again.

Dinner time, although i know there's bus to go FAB, but finally i choose to walk there, because i wish to release my stress. But i don't know i make a wrong decision or not, some people saw me walking, maybe they will blame my boyfriend, maybe they will think my boyfriend is not good, why let me walk but don't want come fetch me. Just want to say, not he don't want come fetch me, but sometime i like the feeling to wait bus and walk. Waiting bus not pity at all, walking not pity as well!! Please don't say i am pity again..

After walk for half an hour, it is better already, no more moody.. Back to good mood, study again...

反省又反省

前几天，看清了一些事情，搞得自己很伤心，一直在房间胡思乱想。
幸好，我有他的陪伴，或许他看到了我的烦恼， 第一次，他主动陪我聊天，真的觉得自己很幸运。今天，看回了那些曾经的照片，原来回忆都在，那时的我们可能都比较单纯没心机吧。决定了，不再伤心了，做回自己就好，开心就好。。

终于，下了第一次的厨，重点是他赞我了，很开心能符合他的要求。刚开始真的很怕他说不好吃，幸好这次没让他失望。有要求才有进步，原来行得通的。。 嘻嘻。。我相信那真的好吃，因为我认识的他绝对不会按着自己良心说客套话的，尤其是对我。这么一来，我更有兴趣准备下一餐了。

还有两科，结束这个学期了；还有九天，就上云顶了。
其实我不赞成他瞒着妈妈上云顶的，因为要是后来被他妈妈知道的话不知道会怎样。以前的他做什么，去那里都会交代的，这一次却没告诉他妈妈。或许是因为我的缘故吧，因为不知如何告诉妈妈和谁去，所以干脆不说。我真的不希望让他妈妈觉得他和我一起以后就变了。可是我不知道要怎样告诉他我的想法，要是他妈真的问起和谁去的话，他应该会不知道怎样说，我也不想让他难做，所以很矛盾。

How to become beauty?

End second paper of final exam, still got 3 more to go. First paper quite ok, but second paper is not that good, hopefully will not kill by this paper ba.. Tomorrow he have microp exam, i am here wish him all the best, hopefully those thing he read will come out in the exam and never come out something that he never read. That's what can i do for him now, nothing more..

Starting to search for internship company, still thinking where to go for intern.
First choice: Do it at KL, got 4 company i can chose, Digistar, Texas, Siemens, IBS. But seems like he don't wish me to do at KL. Maybe he is worry something that i worry- I will ask him come to find me during weekends. Even myself also can't promise that i won't ask him come to find me or i go to find him during weekend, how come he will believe on me?

Second choice: Johor, it's seems like transport is a big problem and also accomodation. The only company near to UTM is Cytron, but i really don't wish to go.

Third choice: Penang, there have company i really wish to go, but will facing transport and accomodation problem. I really don't know where should i stay.

Fourth choice: My hometown, haven't check if there's any others company is suitable for intern or not. Seriously, i don't think there's any.

Final choice: Malacca, this is the choice if in the end i still can't get a company.

Yesterday help him sew his jeans, this is the first time i help others sew their cloth, i just sew my clothes before. The result is not as good as what i wish to see, but no choice, that is my level. I know he also not really like it, maybe not like it at all, but anyway, this is really what can i do. I will try to do it better if there's next time.

This few days always saw some leng lui, and my self-confident was become lesser and lesser. Suddenly feels that i should not disturn his life. He should have a beautiful and slim gilrfriend but not an ugly and fat girlfriend like me. I also wish to have a smooth face as others, but although i put a lot of afford and also money on this, the result still the same, i can't get back a smooth face. Feel like i am nothing in his life. Because of me, he lost a lot of things and sometime i make him stress.

Yesterday ask him to find others as his girlfriend, but then he ask me to give him my hand, i know, he LOVE me. But this make me more and more guilty, sometime will very regret that why i want to tell him the truth last year, if i never tell him, then we won't get together and maybe now he will have a beautiful girlfriend.

怎样做个美丽的女友，让他可以骄傲的把我介绍给大家认识呢？？

慌了

不知怎么了，
恐慌突然降临在我的身上。
突然变得很没有自信，
开始觉得自己不能成功的让他家人接受我。
虽然他身边的人都知道我的存在，
但唯独最重要的人却不知道。
这段感情真的会因为让他妈妈知道后而必须结束吗？
但我能做些什么呢？
我可以改变些什么吗？
避之不见就什么事都没了吗？
突然很害怕，真的很害怕得来不易的感情就这样结束。。。


其实我可以明白，
想当初妈妈也是因为担心我的学业退步而不允许我拍拖，
当时的我为了证明那并不对，
所以就算不爱那些书却还是拼了命让自己爱上那些课本。
最后终于让妈妈改变想法。

我想现在我唯一能做的就是尽力让他考取好成绩，
但是现在我已经帮不上什么忙了，
除了给他鼓励之外，
我什么都不能做。
突然好希望自己可以和他是course mate。。

What happen to me?

What happen to me this few days? Why suddenly keep on asking him come to find me again? I already know he don’t like this question, but I also don’t know why this few days I can’t control myself. So sorry dear, I really no heart to make you unhappy.I will try to control it for the coming day. Please don’t get angry before I can control myself ya.


Sometime even myself, i also can’t find the reason why I would like him to come find me. Is it really the time for me to bring him back home? Am I prepared? Is he prepared? And sometime feel like I should not asking him follow me back home or I follow him back his home. It looks like not really good for a girl to go guy’s house although it is very common nowadays because I don’t know how his parent view. Plus his mother still doesn’t know our relationship, I think it may be not the suitable time to go his house now.

Maybe i am a bit rush, but I just scare of it. In my point of view, everything will be fine once get permission from parents no matter from his side or my side. I am kind of worrying, always worry this worry that. Last few days always quarrel in library, finally we promise to each other cannot quarrel anymore, if not then we will not study at library anymore! Because of this promise, we did not quarrel for these two days.

This semester we have only 2 same subjects, starting feel like I am not that important to him anymore. He doesn’t need my help anymore. But actually I should glad with this, that’s mean now he already no need depends on me for his study anymore, he can study in his own, this is good news! This is what I wish to see last time. I know he will not leave me although he no needs me for his study anymore because he needs me for his life. Haha, start syok sendiri again. Anyway, that’s the way I make my life happier, think positively!! Feel so happy to have him as my dear, LOVE YOU!!

END OF MALACCA TRIP (31 of October 2010)

9.00am: We go downstairs having dim sum as our breakfast, it taste not bad.

10.00am: Back to hotel and start packing our thing. Haha, plan to go out at 11am, but in the end we pack until 12pm only go out.

12.00pm: Went to Maritime Museum have a walk there. Finally we took the first and also the only photo that consists both of us in this trip. After that, walking around again and enjoy the last moment in Malacca.

1.00pm: Go to 三叔公 have a walk then back to hotel take our things.

3.00pm: Arrived in Malacca Sentral again. Bought 4.30pm bus ticket, then having MacDonald ice-cream while waiting the bus coming.

7.00pm: UTM, here we come!!

With that, our 3days 2 night trip was ended. Although we walk a lot 冤枉路, but with it, we left our footprint in a lot of place Malacca. Next time if we come again, then we will remember the story when we pass by anywhere in Malacca town. Seriously, I am really enjoying this trip and it is the most memorable trip I ever had. The first time I go travel with the one I love, only both of us, can do anything we like. It seems like he knows what I worry about, this time he make a lot decision, we didn’t quarrel because of it. This trip improved our relationship a lot, and I know a secret of him. The person I envy for a long time is actually myself. Waiting for our next trip!!

but after few days, i realize that he is cheating me, th person is not me.. i still don't know who is she..

END OF MALACCA TRIP (30 of October 2010)

10.00am: Having breakfast at a shop near to our hotel, the food not really nice but it is quite cheap, noodle only RM3.

10.30am: Taking photo with the Hindu Temple, Mosque and also Cheng Hoon Teng Temple which is the oldest temple in Malaysia.

11.00am: Wants to visit Baba Nyonya Heritage, who knows we take the wrong way and walk for more than half an hour then finally we walk back to our hotel. OMG!! Since we already back to hotel then we go back and take the map. With the map, finally we find the Baba Nyonya Heritage, it is only less than 5minutes from our hotel!!

12.00pm: In our plan, it time for us to walk around Malacca town again, but finally we decide to go Ayer Keroh. Without wasting the time, we straight away go wait bus to Malacca Sentral and change bus to Ayer Keroh.

1.00pm: Arrived in Malacca Sentral. After asking from people there, then we took bus No. 19 to Ayer Keroh. I am too tired and finally fall asleep in the bus.

2.00pm: Arrived in Taman Mini Malaysia and Asian. We thought it is RM12 per entry, who knows it only costs us RM3 per entry with student card. It is just a place that we can see all the long houses in Malaysia and also Asian. It have 13 houses for Malaysia which represent 13 state in Malaysia and 9 houses for Asian which is Philippine, Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, Brunei, Myanmar, Cambodia, Laos and Indonesia. Seriously, I like the wood house. Maybe it is because I am staying in wood house during my child time. Tell him some of my idea for my future house. Hope he remember it and do it in future if we really get marriage lar.. he he..

3.30pm: Finished visit all those houses. Walk for more than one hour, we are really tired and hungry. Rest for a while, and then continue with our journey. Thought to go Malacca Tropical Fruit Farm, who knows we can’t find the place, end up, we go having MacDonald as our lunch. Haiz, went to Malacca still need to eat fast food. After that we go Malacca Zoo take some photo and then back to Malacca Sentral because we want to go Portuguese Settlement in the night. Again, it takes a long time.

6.30pm: Reached in Portuguese Settlement. It is out of our expectation. We thought there will be a beautiful place, a lot of foreignness and have a lot of shows there. Who knows it have nothing, no foreignness no shows and no beautiful scene except the sunset that I would like to see with the one I love for a long time. Yes, this is the first time I watch sunset with a guy that I love so much. Hope next time can see sunrise with him, it will be first time also. We walk around there until the sun disappears then we go find our dinner there. Finally we choose a stall and order a Pari Fish, Oyster Kailan and also Satay. The fish is too big and it is really spicy, so he can’t eat a lot and finally I finished it. Both of us eat until super full!! We scare no bus back to our hotel in the late night, so we walk to wait bus at 8.45pm.

9.30pm: Waiting bus for almost one hour, finally we give up and decide to walk back to our hotel. With the map in our hand, we pass by Dataran Pahlawan, Mahkota Parade, Menara Taming Sari and finally clock tower after one hour time. It is really tired.

11.00pm: Back to hotel and rest.

Today really walk for a long distance, take a lot wrong way, he looks so tired at that night. So sorry to him, because I always give the wrong direction..

END OF MALACCA TRIP (29 of October 2010)

Finally our first 3days 2night Malacca trip was ended. Let’s review what we had done in these 3 days.

9.00am: He comes to KDSE fetch me and then we park our car at L50 there and taking taxi from FAB to Sri Putri. I think this is the first time we taking bus together.

9.30am: Arrived at Sri Putri and bought two 10am bus ticket. Malacca, here we come!!

1pm: Arrived in Malacca Sentral, he looks very happy at that time, because this is the first time he came Malacca. We thought can get information or map from information counter, who knows the information counter have nothing and finally we decided to buy a Malacca map. First time we open the map, what’s come to our mind is “What an expensive map!!”

2.30pm: Arrived in Cheng Ho Hotel after getting the direction from people around. Rent a room with only RM 30 per night, it is cheap. Although it doesn’t have bathroom attached but it has air-cond and the room is quite clean, not bad.

2.45pm: Having 鸡饭粒 at 中华茶餐室 as our lunch，maybe it is already afternoon, the rice is not as nice as what we had last time. After lunch, then we start our journey.

3.15pm: Start our journey at clock tower. We are using about 2 hours to walk around, including A Famosa.

4.50pm: Having cendol in front of clock tower. It tastes not bad. After that we went back to hotel take a bath and rest.

6.30pm: Went to Jonker Street search something for our dinner. Don’t know what to eat and finally we go to eat Laksa. It is the first time he orders Laksa for himself. Haha, i don’t know why he starting to learn eat spicy nowadays, but I will assume that he do this for me

7.35pm: Went to take Malacca River Cruise as we planned before. The journey took around 45minutes. The environment around is quite nice, but unfortunately, we can’t take photo together. The time when I come with his coursemate, I already decided to take this cruise with him next time, now the dream was comes true. Actually I have another dream, which is having my wedding in the ship. It is so romantic!!

9.00pm: Walking around and keep on taking photo. Like the feeling, the first time that we spend our time in walking around, chatting and taking photo.

9.30pm: Starting find something to eat as supper at Jonker Street. Finally we bought Durian Puff, Green Tea Egg and also Oyster.

10.30pm: Take our food back to hotel and eat. Wow.. Eat until very full and then go to sleep. OMG!! Don’t know will gain weight or not.

With that, comes to the end of our first day trip. Seriously, I also don’t know when we sleep at that night and how many hours we had slept, but I know it is a short time only.